AlfaPad Ver. 2.2 Created: 11/14/01 LastSaved: 11/14/01 Res1 Res2 Res3 Tree 1000000 0000000 $ 2000006 1000000 Intoduction to AlfaPad 2000007 2000006 Welcome Notes 3000004 2000007 Welcome 3000005 2000007 How to use AlfaPad 3000006 2000007 Technical Support 2000008 2000006 Contact Info 3000062 2000008 AlfaAlfa Software 2000001 1000000 Diary 2000009 2000001 September 2001 3000063 2000009 02 3000064 2000009 15 3000065 2000009 29 2000010 2000001 October 2001 3000066 2000010 01 3000067 2000010 09 2000002 1000000 Notes 3000068 2000002 Quick notes 3000071 2000002 Jokes 2000003 1000000 Passwords 3000007 2000003 AltaVista 3000058 2000003 ICQ 3000059 2000003 PayPal 3000060 2000003 Tucows 3000061 2000003 Yahoo 2000004 1000000 Quotations 2000012 2000004 Aphorisms 3000003 2000012 Altruism and Cynicism 3000010 2000012 Health and Disease 3000011 2000012 Wealth and Poverty 3000012 2000012 Success and Failure 3000013 2000012 Wisdom and Ignorance 2000013 2000004 Motivational 2000014 2000013 Creative Quotations 3000014 2000014 Random 2000015 2000013 Inspirational 3000015 2000015 On Happiness 3000016 2000015 On Attitude 3000017 2000015 On Failure 3000018 2000015 On Enthusiasms 3000008 2000013 Laura Moncur's Motivational Quotes 2000016 2000004 One-liners and proverbs 3000019 2000016 Aa - Ak 3000020 2000016 Al - An 3000021 2000016 Ap - Az 3000022 2000016 B-C 3000023 2000016 D 3000024 2000016 E-Gi 3000025 2000016 Go-H 3000026 2000016 Ia-If_we 3000027 2000016 If_you-Is 3000028 2000016 It-J 3000029 2000016 K-Li 3000030 2000016 Lo-M 3000031 2000016 N 3000032 2000016 O-P 3000033 2000016 Q-Tha 3000034 2000016 The_a-The_q 3000035 2000016 The_r-Tho 3000036 2000016 Ti-We 3000037 2000016 Wha-Whe 3000038 2000016 Whi-Z 3000039 2000016 Computer one-liners 3000040 2000016 Question time 2000017 2000004 Quotes from Special People 3000041 2000017 Aristotle 3000042 2000017 Benjamin Franklin 3000043 2000017 Emily Dickinson 3000044 2000017 Marcus Tullius Cicero 3000045 2000017 Mark Twain 3000046 2000017 Mahatma Gandhi 2000018 2000004 Toasts, Blessings and Sayings 3000047 2000018 Birthday Toasts and Age 3000048 2000018 Drinking Toasts and Drinking Quotes 3000049 2000018 Retirement 3000050 2000018 Wedding Toasts 3000051 2000004 Age 3000052 2000004 Cliches 3000053 2000004 Humor 3000054 2000004 Luck 3000055 2000004 Money 3000056 2000004 Music 3000057 2000004 Truth 2000005 1000000 ToDo List 3000009 2000005 2002 05 02 3000069 2000005 2002 05 24 3000070 2000005 2002 06 15 3000001 1000000 Miscellaneous Notes 3000002 1000000 My Appointements End Data End 3000003 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 MS Sans Serif;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.aphorismsgalore.com/category/altruism/\cf0 \par \par \par The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well. \par \par Joe Ancis \par \par Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood. \par \par Louise Beal \par \par Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than in me. \par \par Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary [Shop] \par \par \par Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy. \par \par Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary [Shop] \par \par \par \par I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. \par \par \f1\tab\tab\f0 Ashleigh Brilliant: Brilliant Thoughts \f1 \par \f0 \par My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. \par \par Ashleigh Brilliant: Brilliant Thoughts \par \par Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. \par \par Bellamy Brooks \par \par I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. \par \par A. Whitney Brown \par \par The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. \par \par Rita Mae Brown \par \par \cf2\f2\fs24 \par } End 3000010 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.aphorismsgalore.com/category/health/\cf0 \par \par \par \par Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient. \par \par \tab\tab\tab Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary [Shop] \par \par \par A hospital is no place to be sick. \par \par Samuel Goldwyn \par \par \par When dealing with the insane, it is best to pretend to be sane. \par \par Herman Hesse \par \par \par Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to the insane world. \par \par Unknown \par \par Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative. \par \par Unknown \par \par \cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000011 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.aphorismsgalore.com/category/wealth/\cf0 \par \par \par \par Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. \par \par Woody Allen \par \par Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. \par \par Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary [Shop] \par \par It is odd, is it not, that a person's worth to society is measured by their wealth, when instead their wealth should be measured by their worth to society. \par \par A. Cygni \{Law and Politics\} \par \par Money is like an arm or leg: use it or lose it. \par \par Henry Ford \par \par The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. \par \par Anatole France \par \par If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. \par \par J. Paul Getty \{Success and Failure\} \par \par The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. \par \par Jean-Paul Kauffmann \{Science and Religion \par \pard\cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000012 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.aphorismsgalore.com/category/success/\cf0 \par \par \par \par We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified. \par \par Aesop \{Happiness and Misery\} \par \par \par It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. \par \par Kehlog Albran \par \par Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commision. \par \par Fred Allen \par \par Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. \par \par Woody Allen \par \par You can run with the big dogs or sit on the porch and bark. \par \par Wallace Arnold \par \par \par The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work. \par \par Richard Bach: Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah [Shop] \par \par Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young. \par \par Russell Banks \{Life and Death\} \par \par \par It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous. \par \par Peter Benchley \par \par \par \cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000013 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.aphorismsgalore.com/category/wisdom/\cf0 \par \par \par \par It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. \par \par Rami Belson \par \par Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. \par \par Hector Berlioz \{Life and Death\} \par \par \par It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. \par \par Aristotle \par \par The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living from the dead. \par \par Aristotle \par \par I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible. \par \par Jane Austen \par \par A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. \par \par Burt Bacharach \par \par \par If you come to a fork in the road, take it. \par \par Yogi Berra \par \par You can observe a lot by watching. \par \par Yogi Berra \par \cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000014 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.bemorecreative.com\cf0 \par \par \par \par Knowledge of means without knowledge of ends is animal training. \par --Everett Dean Martin \par \par Americans seem sometimes to believe that if you are a thinker you must be a frowning bore, because thinking is so damn serious. \par --Jacques Maritain \par \par I have not the smallest molecule of faith in aerial navigation other than ballooning. \par --William Thomson \par \par You can't imagine the extra work I had when I was a god. \par --Hirohito \par \par Boredom is having to listen to someone talk about himself when I want to talk about me. \par --Tom Paciorek \par \par A real individual is self-substantial, consults himself, waits for the inner lift or fall of feeling, and consults others only at the end of his own wits. \par --Henry A. Murray \par \par Ideas are intelligence plus experience. \par --Felix M. Morley \par \par I have known many who could not when they would, for they had not done it when they could. \par --Francois Rabelais \par \par \par \cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000015 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 MS Sans Serif;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.cyberquotations.com/inspire/onHappiness.htm\cf0 \par \par \par \par If my heart can become pure and simple, like that of a child, I think there probably can be no greater happiness than this. -- Kitaro Nishida \par \par When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. -- Helen \par Keller \par \par Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take \par things as they come along with patience and equanimity. -- Carl Jung \par \par A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. -- Hugh Downs \par \par We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. -- \par Fredrick Koeing \par \par Did you ever see an unhappy horse? Did you ever see bird that had the blues? One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to \par impress other birds and horses. -- Dale Carnegie \par \par Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. -- Jim Rohn \par \par Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our \par best.--Theodore I. Rubin \par \par You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. -- ZIGGY \par \par Happiness adds and multiplies, as we divide it with others. -- A. Nielsen \par \par The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -- Victor Hugo \par \par The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being \par disappointed by the change; for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.-- Charles Langbridge Morgan \par \par Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. -- Oscar Wilde \par \par Happiness...it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.--Franklin D. Roosevelt \par \par Being happy is something you have to learn. I often surprise myself by saying "Wow, this is it. I guess I'm happy. I got a home I love. A career that I love. I'm \par even feeling more and more at peace with myself." If there's something else to happiness, let me know. I'm ambitious for that, too.--Harrison Ford \par \par Cheerfulness in most cheerful people is the rich and satisfying result of strenuous discipline.-- Edwin Percy Whipple \par \par Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. -- Mildred Barthel \par \par Happiness is good health and a bad memory. -- Ingrid Bergman \par \par It is the paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first. The very first condition of lasting happiness is that a life should be full of purpose, aiming at \par something outside self. -- Hugo Black \par \par Happiness is perfume, you can't pour it on somebody else without getting a few drops on yourself. -- James Van Der Zee \par \par People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be. -- Abraham Lincoln \par \par Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy. -- Robert Anthony \par \par The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. -- Allan K. Chamlers \par \par Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. -- Benjamin Disraeli \par \par Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life. -- Burton Hills \par \par The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.--James Oppenheim \par \par Happiness consists in activity. It is running steam, not a stagnant pool.--John Mason Good \par \par Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy. -- Cynthia Nelms \par \par Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead. -- Scottish Proverb \par \par Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society. -- William Makepeace Thackeray \par \par The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. -- Mark Twain \par \par They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world. Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. -- Tom Bodett \par \par Happiness is a butterfly which when pursued is just out of grasp... But if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.--Nathaniel Hawthorne \par \par Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.--Samuel Levenson \par \par Happiness is spiritual, born of Truth and Love. It is unselfish; therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all mankind to share it.--Mary Baker Eddy \par \par People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. -- H. Jackson Browne \par \par Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, \par and to love again -- this is the brave and happy life. -- J.E. Buckrose \par \par I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive. -- Henry Miller \par \par The secret of happiness is something to do. -- John Burroughs \par \par To have joy one must share it. Happiness was born a twin. -- Lord Byron \par \par Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open.--Rose Lane \par \par In order to have great happiness, you have to have great pain and unhappiness-otherwise how would you know when you're happy? -- Leslie Caron \par \par Whoever does not regard what he has as most ample wealth, is unhappy, though he be master of the world. -- Epicetus \par \par \f1 Happiness requires problems\'85 -- H.L.Hollingworth\f0 \par \par The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue \par and reasonable nature.--Marcus Aurelius \par \par Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day. It is a choice based on the knowledge that we belong to God and have \par found in God our refuge and our safety and that nothing, not even death, can take God away from us. Joy is the experience of knowing that you are unconditionally \par loved and that nothing--sickness, failure, emotional distress, oppression, war, or even death--can take that love away.--Henri Nouwen \par \par The human spirit needs to accomplish, to achieve, to triumph to be happy.--Ben Stein \par \par Happiness in the present is only shattered by comparison with the past. -- Dough Horton \par \par I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot \par more fun.-- Charles R. Swindoll \par \par If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work.--Thich \par Nhat Hanh \par \par Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. -- Victor Hugo \par \par Happiness is not a reward -- it is a consequence. Suffering is not a punishment -- it is a result. -- Robert Green Ingersoll \par \par I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.--Martha Washington \par \par There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all.--Anonymous \par \par To strive with difficulties, and to conquer them, is the highest human felicity. -- Samuel Johnson \par \par Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take \par things as they come along with patience and equanimity. -- Carl Jung \par \par Joy comes from using your potential.--Will Schultz \par \par My happiness derives from knowing the people I love are happy. -- Holly Ketchel \par \par We cannot be contented because we are happy, and we cannot be happy because we are contented. -- Walter Savage Landor \par \par Success is getting and achieving what you want. Happiness is wanting and being content with what you get. -- Bernard Meltzer \par \par Act happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love, and do what you will. -- Dan Millman \par \par Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness. -- George Orwell \par \par True happiness involves the full use of one's power and talents.-- John W. Gardner \par \par We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.-- Kahlil Gibran \par \par Happiness doesn't come from doing what we like to do but from liking what we have to do. -- Wilfred A. Peterson \par \par The happiest people are those who think the most interesting thoughts. Those who decide to use leisure as a means of mental development, who love good music, \par good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world. And they are not only happy in themselves, they are the cause of \par happiness in others. -- William Lyon Phelphs \par \par Our happiness in this world depends on the affections we are able to inspire. -- Duchess Prazlin \par \par Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. -- Marcel Proust \par \par Life at its noblest leaves mere happiness far behind; and indeed cannot endure it. Happiness is not the object of life: life has no object: it is an end in itself; and \par courage consists in the readiness to sacrifice happiness for an intenser quality of life. -- George Bernard Shaw \par \par It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. -- Charles Haddon Spurgeon \par \par Happiness comes when we test our skills towards some meaningful purpose. -- John Stossel \par \par People who never achieve happiness are the ones who complain whenever they're awake, and whenever they're asleep, they are thinking about what to complain \par about tomorrow. -- Adam Zimbler \par \pard\cf2\f2\fs24 \par } End 3000016 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.cyberquotations.com/inspire/onAttitude.htm\cf0 \par \par \par It's how you deal with failure that determines how you achieve success. -- David Feherty \par \par Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars. -- Frederick Langbridge \par \par Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it. -- Irving Berlin \par \par Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before \par you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are.-- Norman Vincent Peale \par \par Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole! -- Mclandburgh Wilson \par \par Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change. -- Golnik Eric \par \par To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson \par \par Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.-- Robert H. Schuller \par \par If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching \par pad.--Denis Waitley \par \par What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens. -- Thaddeus Golas \par \par It is easy enough to be pleasant, When life flows by like a song, But the man worth while is the one who can smile, When everything goes dead wrong. For the \par test of the heart is troubled, And it always comes with the years. And the smiles that is worth the praises of earth Is the smile that shines through tears.-- Ella \par Wheeler Wilcox \par \par You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. -- Tom Wilson \par \par I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.-- Wayne Dyer \par \par A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. -- Hugh Downs \par \par Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.-- Lou Holtz \par \par The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. -- William James \par \par One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.-- Jack Penn \par \par The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. -- James Branch Cabell \par \par Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.-- Buddha \par \par The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. -- Winston Churchill \par \par How things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside of us.-- Parks Cousins \par \par Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how \par to harness and control this great force. -- Tom Blandi \par \par An optimist is a driver who thinks that empty space at the curb won't have a hydrant beside it. -- Changing Times \par \par Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open. -- Thomas Dewar \par \par Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.-- Denis Waitley \par \par To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.-- Denis Waitley \par \par A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were \par somehow absent before the change.-- Earl Nightingale \par \par Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.-- John Wooden \par \par And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. -- Antoine de \par Saint-Exupery \par \par Success is just a matter of attitude. -- Darcy E. Gibbons \par \par It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. -- Andre Gide \par \par A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.--William Arthur Ward \par \par If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears. -- Glenn Clark \par \par If you can react the same way to winning and losing, that's a big accomplishment. That quality is important because it stays with you the rest of your life, and \par there's going to be a life after tennis that's a lot longer than your tennis life. -- Chris Evert \par \par Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.-- Kahlil Gibran \par \par Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.-- Zig Ziglar \par \par A positive attitude can really make dreams come true -- it did for me. -- Zina Garrison \par \par Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.-- Max Lucade \par \par Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it. -- Ellen Glasgow \par \par The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.-- William James \par \par Each experience through which we pass operates ultimately for our good. This is a correct attitude to adopt and we must be able to see it in that light. -- \par Raymond Holliwell \par \par It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. -- Lena Horne \par \par High expectations are the key to everything.-- Sam Walton \par \par Success or failure depends more upon attitude than upon capacity successful men act as though they have accomplished or are enjoying something. Soon it \par becomes a reality. Act, look, feel successful, conduct yourself accordingly, and you will be amazed at the positive results. -- Dupree Jordan \par \par Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention.-- Jim Rohn \par \par The Green Bay Packers never lost a football game. They just ran out of time. -- Vince Lombardi \par \par I am convinced that attitude is the key to success or failure in almost any of life's endeavors. Your attitude--your perspective, your outlook, how you feel about \par yourself, how you feel about other people--determines your priorities, your actions, your values. Your attitude determines how you interact with other people and \par how you interact with yourself.-- Carolyn Warner \par \par We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible. -- Chretien Malesherbes \par \par What happens to a man is less significant than what happens within him. -- Louis L. Mann \par \par If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however \par adverse your circumstances may seem to be. -- John R. Miller \par \par I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.-- Booker T. Washington \par \par I would rather be able to appreciate things I can not have than to have things I am not able to appreciate.-- Elbert Hubbard \par \par Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us. -- Earl Nightingale \par \par I've always believed that you can think positive just as well as you can think negative. -- Sugar Ray Robinson \par \par There are only 3 colors, 10 digits, and 7 notes; its what we do with them that's important. -- Ruth Ross \par \par An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out? -- Michel De Saint-Pierre \par \par If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.-- Marie Osmond \par \par Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.-- Helen Keller \par \par Never let yesterday use up too much of today.-- Will Rogers \par \par Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. -- Dr. Laura Schlessinger \par \par An attitude to life which seeks fulfillment in the single-minded pursuit of wealth -- in short, materialism -- does not fit into this world, because it contains within \par itself no limiting principle, while the environment in which it is placed is strictly limited. -- E. F. Schumacher \par \par Eagles come in all shapes and sizes, but you will recognize them chiefly by their attitudes. -- Charles Prestwich Scott \par \par There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. That little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or \par negative. -- W. Clement Stone \par \par A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.-- Herm Albright \par \par Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, \par giftedness, or skill. -- Charles Swindoll \par \par Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.-- Richard Bach \par \par We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on \par the one string we have, and that is our attitude. -- Charles Swindoll \par \par If you can't change your fate, change your attitude. -- Amy Tan \par \par When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"-- Sydney J. Harris \par \par A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier. -- Source Unknown \par \par Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.-- Corrie Ten Boom \par \par Whether a glass is half full or half empty depends on the attitude of the person looking at it. -- Source Unknown \par \par Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can. -- Willis Whitney \par \par You've got to love what you're doing. If you love it, you can overcome any handicap or the soreness or all the aches and pains, and continue to play for a long, \par long time.-- Gordie Howe \par \par \cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000017 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.cyberquotations.com/inspire/onFailure.htm\cf0 \par \par \par I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom. -- George S. Patton \par \par No one ever won a chess game by betting on each move. Sometimes you have to move backward to get a step forward. -- Amar Gopal Bose \par \par Because a fellow has failed once or twice, or a dozen times, you don't want to set him down as a failure till he's dead or loses his courage--and that's the same \par thing.-- George Lorimer \par \par Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by \par saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.-- Denis Waitley \par \par Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success. -- Denis Waitley \par \par Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. -- Confucius \par \par You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. -- Edwin Louis Cole \par \par If there exists no possibility of failure, then victory is meaningless. -- Robert H. Schuller \par \par I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of times I succeed; and the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of \par times I can fail and keep on trying. -- Tom Hopkins \par \par Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a \par winning touchdown.-- Ross Perot \par \par If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything. -- Marva Collins \par \par When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal. -- Napoleon Hill \par \par Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.-- Marilyn vos Savant \par \par Men succeed when they realize that their failures are the preparation for their victories. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson \par \par The wisest person is not the one who has the fewest failures but the one who turns failures to best account.-- Richard R. Grant \par \par History has demonstrated that the most notable winners encountered heart breaking obstacles before they triumphed. They finally won by their defeats. -- B. C. \par Forbes \par \par Defeat doesn't finish a man--quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits.--Richard M. Nixon \par \par People in their handlings of affairs often fail when they are about to succeed. If one remains as careful at the end as he was at the beginning, there will be no \par failure.-- Lao-Tzu \par \par There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.-- Colin Powell \par \par If you are not big enough to lose, you are not big enough to win. -- Walter Reuther \par \par Not many people are willing to give failure a second opportunity. They fail once and it is all over. The bitter pill of failure is often more than most people can \par handle. If you are willing to accept failure and learn from it, if you are willing to consider failure as a blessing in disguise and bounce back, you have got the essential \par of harnessing one of the most powerful success forces.-- Joseph Sugarman \par \par Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.-- Napoleon Hill \par \par I have always felt that although someone may defeat me, and I strike out in a ball game, the pitcher on the particular day was the best player. But I know when I \par see him again, I'm going to be ready for his curve ball. Failure is a part of success. There is no such thing as a bed of roses all your life. But failure will never stand \par in the way of success if you learn from it. -- Hank Aaron \par \par It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated...it is finished when it surrenders.-- \par Ben Stein \par \par I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone. -- Bill Cosby \par \par Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure. -- George E. Woodbery \par \par In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail. -- Vince Lombardi \par \par The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top. -- Dr. Joyce Brothers \par \par Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.-- Henry Ford \par \par There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought. -- Lawrence J. Peter \par \par Failure? I never encountered it. All I ever met were temporary setbacks.-- Dottie Walters \par \par Would you like me to give you a formula for ... success? It's quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure... You're thinking of failure as the enemy of success. \par But it isn't at all... You can be discouraged by failure--or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because, remember that's \par where you'll find success. On the far side.-- Thomas J. Watson \par \par The greatest failure is a person who never admits that he can be a failure.-- Gerald. N. Weiskott \par \par Accept failure as a normal part of living. View it as part of the process of exploring your world; make a note of its lessons and move on.--Tom Greening \par \par 'All honor to him who shall win the prize,' \par The world has cried for a thousand years; \par But to him who tries and fails and dies, \par I give great honor and glory and tears.-- Joaquin Miller \par \par I do not fear failure. I only fear the "slowing up" of the engine inside of me which is pounding, saying, "Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you?"-- \par George S. Patton \par \par It is a mistake to suppose that men succeed through success; they much oftener succeed through failures. Precept, study, advice, and example could never have \par taught them so well as failure has done.-- Samuel Smiles \par \par Show me a thoroughly satisfied man, and I will show you a failure. -- Thomas Edison \par \par Accept that all of us can be hurt, that all of us can--and surely will at times--fail. I think we should follow a simple rule: if we can take the worst, take the risk.-- \par Joyce Brothers \par \par You win only if you aren't afraid to lose. -- Rocky Aoki \par \par If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. -- Steve Bartkowski \par \par Nothing fails like success because we don't learn from it. We learn only from failure. -- Kenneth Boulding \par \par All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible.--William Faulkner \par \par Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.-- Charles F. Kettering \par \par Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, I have failed three times, and what happens when he says, I am a failure. -- S. I. \par Hayakawa \par \par Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure. -- William Saroryan \par \par To expect defeat is nine-tenths of defeat itself. -- Francis Crawford \par \par No one that ever lived has ever had enough power, prestige, or knowledge to overcome the basic condition of all life - you win some and you lose some. -- Ken \par Keyes \par \par The biggest job we have is to teach a newly hired employee how to fail intelligently. We have to train him to experiment over and over and to keep on trying and \par failing until he learns what will work.-- Charles Kettering \par \par Don't be afraid to fail. Don't waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It's OK to fail. If you're not failing, \par you're not growing.-- H. Stanley Judd \par \par The freedom to fail is vital if you're going to succeed. Most successful people fail from time to time, and it is a measure of their strength that failure merely \par propels them into some new attempt at success.-- Michael Korda \par \par Every failure is a step to success...-- William Whewell \par \par Failure is the tuition you pay for success. -- Walter Brunell \par \par It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. In this life we get nothing save by effort.-- Theodore Roosevelt \par \par Failure does not count. If you accept this, you'll be successful. What causes most people to fail is that after one failure, they'll stop trying. -- Frank Burford \par \par Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. -- George Washington Carver \par \par A man's life is interesting primarily when he has failed -- I well know. For it's a sign that he tried to surpass himself. -- Georges Clemenceau \par \par Every great work, every big accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes \par apparent failure and discouragement.--Florence Scovel Shinn \par \par Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.--Mike Murdock \par \par Everything ultimately fails, for we die, and that is either the penultimate failure or our most enigmatical achievement. -- Edward Dahlberg \par \par The most important of my discoveries has been suggested to me by my failures. -- Sir Humphrey Davy \par \par Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure. We get very little wisdom from success, you know.-- William Saroyan \par \par I am never a failure until I begin blaming others.-- Anonymous \par \par Remember you will not always win. Some days, the most resourceful individual will taste defeat. But there is, in this case, always tomorrow - after you have done \par your best to achieve success today.-- Maxwell Maltz \par \par Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. -- Thomas A. Edison \par \par An inventor fails 999 times, and if he succeeds once, he's in. He treats his failures simply as practice shots.-- Charles Kettering \par \par Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong. -- Ella Fitzgerald \par \par No man ever became great or good except through many and great mistakes. -- William E. Gladstone \par \par One reason God created time was so that there would be a place to bury the failures of the past.-- James Long \par \par I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.-- Thomas A. Edison \par \par I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.-- George Burns \par \par Failure comes only when we forget our ideals and objectives and principles. -- Jawaharlal Nehru \par \par If I had permitted my failures, or what seemed to me at the time a lack of success, to discourage me I cannot see any way in which I would ever have made \par progress.-- Calvin Coolidge \par \par If you are doing your best, you will not have to worry about failure. -- Robert S. Hillyer \par \par If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.-- Woody Allen \par \par It is not a disgrace to fail. Failing is one of the greatest arts in the world.-- Charles F. Kettering \par \par Accept failure as a normal part of living. View it as part of the process of exploring your world; make a note of its lessons and move on. -- Tom Hobson \par \par They who lack talent expect things to happen without effort. They ascribe failure to a lack of inspiration or ability, or to misfortune, rather than to insufficient \par application. At the core of every true talent there is an awareness of the difficulties inherent in any achievement, and the confidence that by persistence and \par patience something worthwhile will be realized. Thus talent is a species of vigor. -- Eric Hoffer \par \par Success is 99 percent failure. -- Soichiro Honda \par \par More men fail through lack of purpose than lack of talent.-- Billy Sunday \par \par There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life. -- Thomas H. Huxley \par \par The man who tries to do something and fails is infinitely better than he who tries to do nothing and succeeds. -- Lloyd Jones \par \par Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail. -- Charles F. Kettering \par \par My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. -- Abraham Lincoln \par \par You can't be a winner and be afraid to lose. -- Charles Lynch \par \par Remember your past mistakes just long enough to profit by them. -- Dan Mckinnon \par \par Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.-- Robert F. Kennedy \par \par The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top.-- Dr. Joyce Brothers \par \par Remember the two benefits of failure. First, if you do fail, you learn what doesn't work; and second, the failure gives you the opportunity to try a new approach.-- \par Roger von Oech \par \par Failure is good. It's fertilizer. Everything I've learned about coaching, I've learned from making mistakes. -- Rick Pitino \par \par Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped. -- African Proverb \par \par I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I \par now enjoy. -- Anthony Robbins \par \par Why is it so painful to watch a person sink? Because there is something unnatural in it, for nature demands personal progress, evolution, and every backward step \par means wasted energy. -- J. August Strindberg \par \par Failure is not the worst thing in the world -- the very worst is not to try. -- Source Unknown \par \par There is much to be said for failure. It is much more interesting than success.-- Max Beerbohm \par \par You cannot measure a man by his failures. You must know what use he makes of them. What did they mean to him. What did he get out of them.-- Orison \par Swett Marden \par \par You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.-- Beverly Sills \par \par Remember that your failures are the seeds of your most glorious successes. Be sad if you must, but don't despair. -- Source Unknown \par \par When you fall, don't get up empty handed. -- Source Unknown \par \par You're on the road to success when you realize that failure is only a detour. -- Source Unknown \par \par The greatest failure is a person who never admits that he can be a failure. -- Gerald. N. Weiskott \par \cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000018 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.cyberquotations.com/inspire/onEnthusiasms.htm\cf0 \par \par \par \par I studied the lives of great men and famous women, and I found that the men and women who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm.-- Henry Truman \par \par Every memorable act in the history of the world is a triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved without it because it gives any challenge or any occupation, no mater how frightening or difficult, a new meaning. Without enthusiasm you are doomed to a life of mediocrity but with it you can accomplish miracles. -- Og Mandino \par \par The worst bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm. -- H. W. Arnold \par \par One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes a success of his life. -- Edward B. Butler \par \par If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. -- Vince Lombardi \par \par Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson \par \par I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill.-- Sir Edward Appleton \par \par Knowledge is power and enthusiasm pulls the switch.-- Steve Droke \par \par The condition of the most passionate enthusiast is to be preferred over the individual who, because of the fear of making a mistake, won't in the end affirm or \par deny anything. -- Thomas Carlyle \par \par There is no such thing as can't, only won't. If you're qualified, all it takes is a burning desire to accomplish, to make a change. Go forward, go backward. \par Whatever it takes! But you can't blame other people or society in general. It all comes from your mind. When we do the impossible we realize we are special \par people.-- Jan Ashford \par \par When a man's willing and eager, the gods join in. -- Aeschylus \par \par How do you go from where you are to where you want to be? I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal, and you have to \par be willing to work for it. -- Jim Valvano \par \par Enthusiasm moves the world. -- Arthur James Balfour \par \par Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose one driving enthusiasm is so great it makes their faults \par seem insignificant.-- Charles A. Cerami \par \par The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which mean never losing your enthusiasm.--Aldous Huxley \par \par A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm. - Charles Schwab \par \par If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. -- Bruce Barton \par \par Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money, power and influence. -- Henry Chester \par \par Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must first set yourself on fire.-- Fred Shero \par \par Genius is nothing more than inflamed enthusiasm. -- Source Unknown \par \par Enthusiasm is a vital element toward the individual success of every man or woman. -- Conrad Hilton \par \par Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single \par hour that which can be done just as well now.-- P.T. Barnum \par \par There is a real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment. -- Norman Vincent Peale \par \par Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn. -- John Wesley \par \cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000008 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 http://www.starlingtech.com/quotes/mqotd.html Laura Moncur's Motivational Quotes \cf0 \par \par \par \par Raymond Holliwell: \par "Desire creates the power." \par \par Walt Whitman: \par "Nothing endures but personal qualities." \par \par Jessie Sampter: \par "Simplicity is the peak of civilization." \par \par Elizabeth Bowen: \par "Nobody speaks the truth when there's something they must have." \par \par W. Somerset Maugham: \par "Tradition is a guide and not a jailer." \par \par Shirley MacLaine: \par "Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power." \par \par Benjamin Disraeli: \par "Great services are not canceled by one act or by one single error." \par \par Natalie Goldberg: \par "Anything you fully do is an alone journey." \par \par Samuel Johnson: \par "Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings." \par \par \par \pard\cf2\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000019 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions. \par \par 43% of all statistics are worthless. \par \par 668: The Neighbor of the Beast. \par \par 2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root. \par 1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. \par 1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. \par 1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. \par 1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. \par 2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. \par \par A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. \par \par A banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it start to rain. \par \par A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist. \par \par A bike rest on its leg because it is too tyred. \par \par Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there. \par \par Ability is what you're capable of doing... \par Motivation determines what you do... \par Attitude determines how well you do it. \par \par A bird does not sing because it has an answer -- it sings because it has a song. \par \par A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward. \par \par A budget is something we go without to stay within. \par \par A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. \par \par A camel is a horse designed by a committee. \par \par A candle brightens the world around it. Unfortunately, it creates a shadow of its own. It still serves the purpose it is meant for. \par \par A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. \par \par A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other. \par \par A careless word may kindle strife. \par A cruel word may wreck a life. \par A timely word may level stress. \par A loving word may heal and bless. \par \par Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. (William James) \par \par A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. \par \par \par A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when \par it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?". \par "I didn't think I needed to," Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse." \par \par A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark. (Chinese Proverb) \par \par \par A child will perform from their mind for their coach/teacher, but for a parent they perform from their heart. \par \par A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other. \par \par A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. \par \par A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has. \par \par A clean tie attracts the soup of the day. \par \par A closed mind is a good thing to lose. \par \par A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. (Chinese proverb) \par \par A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done. \par \par A compliment is a statement of an agreeable truth; flattery is the statement of an agreeable untruth. (Sir John A. MacDonald) \par \par A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer. \par \par A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. \par \par A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago. \par \par A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals. \par \par Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. \par \par A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing". \par \par A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table! \par \par Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action. \par \par A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. \par \par Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about \par the way his mother cooked. (Kimberley Broyles) \par \par A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs. \par \par A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight. \par \par A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?" \par \par A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. \par \par A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually results in a belief in anything. \par \par A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of \par me... They must be Gods! \par A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of \par me... I must be a God! \par \par A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show. \par \par Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough. \par \par A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. (Harvey Mackay) \par \par A drop of ink may make a million think. \par \par A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts. \par \par Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. \par \par A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American. "Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red \par when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them." The American nodded. "It's the same in the \par USA only we see stars too!" \par \par Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. (Erica Jong) \par \par A face without freckles is like a sky without stars. \par \par A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul last forever. \par \par A family came home from Church where the sermon was on Adam and Eve. \par The Mother noticed the boy sitting on the bed feeling his ribs. \par She asked what he was doing. \par He said, "I counted these things 3 times now. Ma ! I think I'm having a wife." \par \par A farmer learns more from a bad harvest than a good one. \par \par A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. \par \par A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." \par The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President." \par \par A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city \par but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked: "What happened to the flea?" \par \par Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. (C.S. Lewis) \par \par A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. \par \par A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. \par Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" \par The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail." \par \par \par \par \par A flea and a fly in a flu \par were imprisoned so what could they do? \par Said the flea "let us fly" \par said the fly" let us flee" \par so they flew through a flaw in the flu. \par \par A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. \par "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. \par "Toilette pepper!" \par \par A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to \par grow. \par \par A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room. \par \par A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows. \par \par A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have. (Abraham Lincoln) \par \par A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked. \par \par A friend to all is a friend to none. \par \par After all is said and done, more is said than done. \par \par After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history. \par \par After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new \par command structure. (Thoreau's First Theory of Adaptation) \par \par After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance. \par \par A gentle word, like summer rain, may soothe some heart and banish pain. What joy or sadness often springs, from just the simple little \par things! \par \par A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home! \par \par A giving church is a living church. \par \par A goal properly set is halfway reached. \par \par A goal without a plan is just a wish. \par \par \par \par Gold Roses - Tell her how you feel! Real roses dipped in gold - delivered with your message. \par \par A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have \par withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. (Charles H. Spurgeon) \par \par A good conscience is a soft pillow. \par \par A good example is the best sermon. \par \par A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up. \par \par A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it. \par \par A good school is a community where children learn to live first and foremost as childen and not as future adults. \par \par A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible. (George Burns) \par \par A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have. \par \par A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. (William James) \par \par A guilty conscience needs no accuser. \par \par A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. (Hugh Downs) \par \par A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when they is counting their blessings. \par \par A hard thing about business is minding your own. \par \par A heavy burden does not kill on the day it is carried. (Kenyan Proverb) \par \par A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher \par asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just \par prayed for more snow." \par \par A helping word to one in trouble is like a switch in a railroad track . . . an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity. (Henry \par Ward Beecher) \par \par A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it. \par \par A honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. \par "How did that happen?, " gasped her mother. \par "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him." \par \par A house divided against itself cannot stand; I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave and half-free. (Abraham \par Lincoln, June 17, 1858) \par \par A HOUSE is built of logs and stone, \par Of piles and post and piers; \par A HOME is built of loving deeds, \par That stand a thousand years. \par (Victor Hugo) \par \par A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood. \par \par A judge is a law student who marks their own examination papers. (H.L. Mencken) \par \par A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer. \par \par A kid's idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand. \par \par A king's castle is his home. \par \par A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000020 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par Alcohol preserves everything but not dignity. \par \par A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once. \par \par A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses. \par \par Alimony: funds which allow a woman who lived unhappily married to live happily unmarried. \par \par Alimony is having an ex-husband you can bank on. \par \par A little boy asked his mother why the minister got a month's vacation while his dad only got two weeks. The mother answered, "Well, \par son, if he's a good minister, he needs it. If he isn't, the congregation needs it." \par \par A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. \par Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess." \par \par A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn't take long before everyone knows. (C.S. Lewis) \par \par All animals, except man, know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it. (Samuel Butler) \par \par All bicycles weigh 50 pounds, except that a 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock, a 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock, and a \par 50 pound bicycle does not need a lock. \par \par All fingers are not alike, \par If you cut bigger ones to make all equal it is communism, \par If you stretch smaller ones to make all equal it is socialism, \par If you do nothing to make all equal it is capitalism. \par \par All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness. \par \par All mankind is divided into three classes: those who are immovable, those who are movable; and those who move. (Benjamin Franklin) \par \par All men can fly, but sadly, only in one direction -- down. \par \par All mothers are working mothers. \par \par All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, \par but speaks volumes about his laziness. (Mark Kennedy) \par \par All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. \par \par All sunshine makes a desert. \par \par All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do nothing. (Edmund Burke) \par \par All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today and yesterday. \par \par All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do. \par \par All your dreams come true, if you have the courage to pursue them. (Walt Disney) \par \par A long dispute means that both parties are wrong. \par \par A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long enough. (Benjamin Franklin) \par \par A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. \par \par Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. (Helen Keller) \par \par Always and Never are two words to always remember never to use. \par \par Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names. \par \par Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. \par \par Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them. \par \par Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. \par \par A man convinced against his will is still of the same opinion. \par \par A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. \par \par A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does; but he is surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing \par what he does. \par \par A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. (John Barrymore 1943) \par \par A man is not where he lives, but where he loves. (Latin Proverb) \par \par A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half of his life. \par \par A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" \par "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!" \par \par A man who lives in a glass house should change in basement. \par \par A man who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones. \par \par \par \par \par A man who thinks he is smarter than his wife, has a very smart wife! \par \par A man who throws dirt looses ground. \par \par A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. \par \par America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. \par \par America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote. \par \par America is a land where citizens vote for Democrats but hope to live like Republicans. \par \par America is the only country in the world where the poor have a parking problem. \par \par "Am I indecisive?" Can I get back to you on that? \par \par A mind, like a home, is furnished by its owner, so if one's life is cold and bare he can blame none but himself. (louis L'Amour) \par \par A mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimension. \par \par A moment on the lips, \par an eternity on the hips. \par \par A more expensive tennis racket will not make you a better player. \par \par An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried \par counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it." \par \par An adolescent is a person who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult. \par \par An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry. \par \par An Apple a day keeps the doctor away. \par But . . . an onion a day keeps everyone away. \par \par An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer. \par \par A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by way of an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to \par sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." \par Failing to observe the punctuation, the clergyman startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the \par prayers of the congregation for his safety." \par \par An educational system isn't worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a living but doesn't teach them how to make a life. \par \par An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her \par memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead. \par \par An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications. \par \par Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it. (Seneca) \par \par Anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind. \par \par An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal. \par \par An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same \par person. \par \par An open mind does not always require an open mount. \par \par An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh. \par \par An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. - Nolan's / Peter's Placebo \par \par Anybody who thinks talk is cheap never argued with a traffic cop. \par \par Any car will last a lifetime - if you are careless enough. \par \par Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them. \par \par Anyone can make a mountain out of a molehill by throwing on more dirt. \par \par Anyone who has time to look for a 4- leaf clover needs to find one. \par \par Anyone who is not a socialist at 16 has no heart, but anyone who still is at 32 has no mind. (Woodrow Wilson). \par \par Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it. (Mitchell's Law of Committees) \par \par Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" is not: the label means the price went up. \par The label "All new" or "Completely new" means the price went way up. \par \par Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything. \par \par Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. \par \par Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. (Mignon McLaughin) \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000021 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par A parishioner had undergone a serious operation and was still under the influence of the sedative when the vicar came, so the vicar just \par said a prayer and left. The next day he returned and asked the patient if he had been aware of his visit. "I vaguely remember your visit \par yesterday. I remember opening my eyes and thinking 'I can't be in Heaven because there is the vicar'." \par \par A penny saved is a penny earned, and a penny spent, is a penny enjoyed. \par \par A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye. \par \par A person can fail many times, but they are not really a failure until they start to blame someone else. \par \par A person is getting along the road to wisdom when they begin to realize that their opinion is just another opinion. \par \par A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can take care of others. \par \par A person lives, to be loved. \par A person loves, to have lived. (Michael Crowgey) \par \par A person of words and not deeds is like a garden full of weeds. \par \par A person's character and their garden both reflect the amount of weeding that was done during the growing season. \par \par A person without knowledge of his history is like a tree without roots. \par \par A person who can speak many languages is not necessarily more valuable than a person who can listen in one. \par \par A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing. \par \par A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties. (Harry \par Truman) \par \par A Physician can bury his mistakes, an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. (Frank Lloyd Wright) \par \par A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup." \par \par A politician is a person who can make waves and then make you think they are the only one who can save the ship. \par \par A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything, except office. \par \par A poor report card has one good thing in its favor: at least you know the student is not cheating. \par \par A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. (Miguel de Cervantes) \par \par A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat. (Slick's Second Universe Law) \par \par \par \par \par Archeologist: someone whose carrier lies in ruins. \par \par A real friend is someone who takes a winter vacation on a sun-drenched beach and does not send a card. (Farmer's Almanac) \par \par A real patriot is someone who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. \par \par A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly \par it slips through your fingers. \par A relationship is like that held tenderly with respect for the other person it last, but once you close your hand to hold on tightly it slips \par through your fingers. \par \par A religion that is small enough for us to understand would not be large enough for our needs. \par \par Art is work, to sell it is art. \par \par As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. \par \par A sad Texan once prayed, "Lord, I wish you would make it rain - not so much for me, I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old." \par \par As a man begins to live more seriously within; he begins to live more simply without. \par \par A scientist knows more & more about less & less till he knows everything about nothing while a philosopher knows less & less about \par more & more till he knows nothing about everything. \par \par A seafood diet is the best: whenever you see food, eat it. \par \par A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago. \par \par A sharp tongue and a dull mind are usually found in the same head. \par \par A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. (John A. Shedd) \par \par A signature always reveals a man's character... and sometimes even his name. \par \par A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. \par \par A single reason why you can do something is worth 100 reasons why you can't. \par \par A sinning man will stop praying. A praying man will stop sinning. \par \par As I said before, I never repeat myself. \par \par Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest of your life. (Chinese proverb) \par \par Asking the boss for a rise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off. \par \par Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow. \par \par As long as you put in the work, you can own the dream. When the work stops, the dream disappears. (Jim Dietz) \par \par A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it. \par \par A smile is a curve that sets things straight. \par \par A smile is a fortune, but you can't sell it, you can't buy it and you can't steal it, but it isn't good to anyone until it is given away. \par \par A smile is the cheapest way to improve your looks, even if your teeth are crooked. \par \par A smile on your face can be felt on anothers heart. (Rhonda Marlow) \par \par A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. (English Proverb \par \par "As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup" (today) "you proclaim my death" (yesterday) "until I come again." (future) \par \par A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar. (Benjamin Franklin) \par \par A stand can be made against invasion of an army; no stand can be made against invasion of an idea. \par \par A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them. \par \par A status symbol is a symbol, not status. \par \par A student writes a letter via telegram to his Dad . . . \par It goes . . . no fun, send mon, your Son! \par Dad write back saying . . . so sad, too bad, your Dad! \par \par A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in \par church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping." \par \par A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. \par A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." \par \par A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to \par "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without \par missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." \par \par A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly. \par \par A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell. \par \par At age 20 we worry about what others think of us. At 40 we don't care what they think of us. At 60 we discover they haven't been \par thinking of us at all. (Ann Landers) \par \par A talent is formed in stillness, a character in the world's torrent. \par \par A teacher asked her students if they could use the words 'defeat, defense, and detail' in a sentence. \par Little Johnny was a smarty, so he answered with, " De feet of de dog went over de fence before de tail." \par \par A tear shed can say more than a hundred words spoken. \par \par \par \par \par Atheism is a non-prophet organization. \par \par A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said: "Son, your shoes are on the \par wrong feet." \par He looked up at her with a raised brow and said:"Don't kid me, Mom. I know they're my feet." \par \par A ton of regret never made an ounce of difference. \par \par A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense. \par \par A true friend walks in when the world walks out. \par \par A truth spoken before its time is dangerous. \par \par At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" \par "Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard." \par \par At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when \par they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, \par and said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." \par \par Attend Church weekly NOT weakly. \par \par A twofold national problem is how to preserve the wilderness in the country and get rid of the jungle in the cities. \par \par At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. \par \par "Automatic" simply means that you can't repair it yourself. \par \par Autopsy is a dying practice. \par \par A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. \par \par A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?" Ready to play the game she said, "I don't \par know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize \par me!" \par \par A vibration is a motion that can't make up its mind which way it wants to go. \par \par A vicar was preparing to leave his parish. In order to avoid a particular parishioner being sad, he said "Don't worry, you'll probably get a \par better man." "Not necessarily," replied the parishioner, "that's what the last one said before he left." \par \par A wife is a person who can look in the top drawer of a dresser and find a man's handkerchief that isn't there. \par \par A winner says, "There must be a better way to do it". \par A loser says, "This is the way it has always been done here". \par \par A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools. (Thomas Fuller) \par \par A wise man sees as much as he should, not as much as he can. \par \par A wise person escapes temptation and leaves no forwarding address. \par \par A wise person has something to say, a fool has to say something. \par \par A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says \par happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." \par \par A 'wish' changes nothing. A 'decision' changes everything! \par \par A woman's heart is like a campfire; if you don't tend it often the flame will go out. (Willie M. Lawrence) \par \par A word gets its meaning by the person who speaks it. \par \par A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God. \par \par A young minister was helping his wife with the dishes meanwhile complaining: "This is not a man's job!" "Oh, yes, it is!" she said, as she \par quoted from 2 Kings 21:13, "I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it and turning it upside down!" \par \par A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000022 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Bacteria: the only culture some people have. \par \par Bad planing on your part does not necessarily constitute an automatic emergency on my part. \par \par Beat me with the truth, don't torture me with lies. \par \par Be at peace with yourself first and then you will be able to bring peace to others. (Thomas A. Kempis) \par \par Beautiful faces are those that wear whole-souled honesty printed there. (Ellen Palmer Allerton) \par \par Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. \par \par Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm not one to judge. \par \par Beauty is only skin deep...but ugly goes all the way to the bone! \par \par Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman, charm is when a woman notices you. \par \par Be bold in what you stand for; and careful what you fall for. \par \par Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. \par \par Been there, done that and have the tee-shirt to prove it. \par \par Before you can break out of prison, you must realize that you are locked up. \par \par Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean. \par \par Be good or be good at it! \par \par Behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his image. (Goethe) \par \par Being cool, is not trying to be cool. \par \par Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. (Richard Carlson) \par \par Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. \par \par Believe in miracles, but don't depend on them. \par \par Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts. (F.F. Bosworth) \par \par Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your \par reputation is merely what others think of you. \par \par Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all on the way down. (Fred A. Hufnagel Sr.) \par \par Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. (Chinese proverb) \par \par Be of use, but don't be used. \par \par Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing. (Benjamin Franklin) \par \par B(est) I(nformation) B(efore) L(eaving) E(arth). \par \par Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these. \par \par Better an end with pain, than pain with no end. \par \par Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. (Abraham Lincoln) \par \par Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot. \par \par Better untaught than ill-taught. \par \par Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss. \par \par Be yourself- who else is better qualified? (Frank J. Giblin II) \par \par Big doesn't necessarily mean better..sunflowers aren't better than violets. \par \par Big Ideas are so hard to recognize, so fragile, so easy to kill. Don't forget that, all of you who don't have them. (John Elliot, Jr.) \par \par BIRTHDAY BELIEF SYSTEMS \par Idealism: Happy Birthday. \par Capitalism: I shopped all day for your birthday. \par Atheism: I can't believe it's your birthday. \par Hinduism: Holy Cow! Is it your birthday? \par Taoism: It's everybody's birthday. \par Buddhism: If your birthday party was held in the forest and nobody came... would it make a sound? \par Existentialism: Your birthday means nothing to me. \par Sarcasm: You don't look half bad for someone twice your age. \par \par Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. (Rev. Larry Lorenzoni) \par \par Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. (Herbert Hoover) \par \par Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be amused. \par \par Blessed is he who doesn't show hatefulness over what is lost, but instead, shows gratefulness over what is left. \par \par Blessed is he who, having nothing to say, refrained from giving wordy evidence of the fact. \par \par Blowing out another man's flame doesn't make yours shine any brighter, but less. \par \par Bones; there are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: two bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing \par accident. \par \par Boredom sets into boring minds. \par \par Born twice, die once. Born once, die twice. \par \par Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. \par \par Buses stop at bus stations, trains at train stations, my desk has a workstation. \par \par Butcher's window: Let me meat your needs. \par \par But the lies we live will always be confessed in the stories that we tell. (Orson Scott Card) \par \par By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong. \par \par By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. \par \par By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game. \par \par \par \par \par Cancer is so limited, It cannot corrode faith, It cannot shatter hope,It cannot kill friendships, It cannot cripple love, It cannot destroy \par peace, It cannot silence courage, It cannot suppress memories, It cannot conquer the spirit. \par \par Can't never could do anything. \par Till could came along and whipped Can't butt... \par now can't can do a lot. \par \par Can't never did anything but fail (Mr. Eaton) \par \par Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep. \par (Paula Poundstone) \par \par Celibacy is not an inherited characteristic. \par \par Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you view them. \par \par Change your thoughts and you change your world. (Norman Vincent Peale) \par \par Changing one thing for the better is worth more than proving a thousand things are wrong. \par \par Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. (Abraham Lincoln) \par \par Character is made by what you stand for; reputation, by what you fall for. (Robert Quillen) \par \par Character is what a person is in the dark. \par \par Charm is getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. (Albert Camus) \par \par Cheerfulness is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a "carrier". \par \par Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. \par \par Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need do to lose weight is to take a bath. \par \par Children are natural mimics. They act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners. \par \par Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children. \par \par Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. \par \par Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. \par \par Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life.(Confucius) \par \par Choose well. Your choice is brief, and yet endless. (Goethe) \par \par Christianity is not a crutch. It's a pair of wings. \par \par Church members are either pillars or caterpillars..the pillars hold up the church, and the caterpillars just crawl in and out. \par \par Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing \par is like shoveling the walk before it has stopped snowing. \par \par Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children. \par \par Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. (Mark Twain) \par \par Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. \par \par College is that bright interlude of freedom a young man has between subjection to his mother and submission to his wife. \par \par Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world. \par \par Coming together is a beginning, \par Staying together is progress, \par Working together is success. (Henry Ford) \par \par Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. \par \par Communication by empathy is a talent that few possess. \par \par Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everybody believes he or she got the biggest piece. \par \par Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation. \par \par Confrontation doesn't always bring a solution to the problem, but until you confront the problem, there will be no solution. (James \par Baldwin) \par \par Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. \par \par Consider how hard it is to change yourself; and you will understand what little chance you have trying to change others. \par \par Constant use will wear out anything... especially friends. \par \par Consumers are statistics, customers are people. \par \par Contentment is not to be found in having what you want, but rather wanting what you have \par \par Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct. (Thomas Carlyle) \par \par Copy from one its plagiarism. \par Copy from two its research. \par \par Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. (Ambrose Redmoon) \par \par Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. \par Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. (Winston Churchill) \par \par Creation of woman from the rib of Man: \par She was not made from his head to top him; \par nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him; \par but out of his side to be equal with him, \par under his arm to be protected, \par and near his heart to be loved. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000023 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Dance as if no one's watching, love as if it's never going to hurt. (Stuart Appleby) \par \par Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only life can do that. \par Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that. \par (Martin Luther King Jr) \par \par Dear God, help me to guard my tongue and learn to say the right thing at the right time for the right reason in the right way. Help me, too, \par to know when to keep my mouth shut. \par \par Dear Jesus, Please help Mommy and Daddy. \par Take care of Brother and Me. \par And please God, take care of yourself cause if anything happens to you we are in big trouble. \par Amen \par \par Death is life's way of telling you you're fired. \par \par Death is not a period but a comma in the story of life. \par \par Death is not totally extinguishing the light but turning off the lamp because the dawn has come. \par \par Dedication is not what others expect of you; it is what you can give to others. \par \par Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it. \par \par Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this Bull before! \par \par Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper. \par \par Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular. \par \par Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. (William Jennings \par Bryan) \par \par Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. (Sue Murphy) \par \par Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge \par of the pool and throw them fish. \par \par Dieting is wishful shrinking. \par \par Diplomacy -- the art of letting someone have your own way. \par \par Disappointments should be cremated, not embalmed. \par \par Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice. \par \par Discipline without freedom is tyranny. \par Freedom without discipline is chaos. (Cullen Hightower) \par \par Do bad and remember, do good and forget. (Algerian proverb) \par \par Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out. \par Can you give me something to keep it in? \par Certainly - how about a paper bag? \par \par Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet. \par What shall I do? \par Well, for a start, don't point him at me. \par \par Do for others with no desire of returned favor. We all should plant some trees we'll never sit under. \par \par Doing a thing wrong for a long period of time gives it the superficial appearance of being right. \par \par Don't ask what your community can do for you. Ask what you can do for your community. (Steve Andres) \par \par Don't be afraid of opposition; Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind. \par \par Don't be afraid of tomorrow, for God has already been there. \par \par Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted. \par \par Don't be so Heavenly minded that you do no earthly good. \par \par Don't control, be in control. (Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu, The Legend Continues) \par \par Don't count the days, make the days count. (Mohammed Ali) \par \par Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. \par \par Don't ever slam a door- you may want to go back. \par \par Don't get good at doing something if you don't like doing it. \par \par Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. (Robert Louis Stevenson) \par \par Don't just get something out of church, put something into it. \par \par Don't kill the dream - execute it! \par \par Don't let time take control of your destiny. Let your destiny take control of your time. (Ulrick Ricardo Milord) \par \par Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. (John Wooden) \par \par Don't limit your challenges - challenge your limits. \par \par Don't listen to what I say; listen to what I mean. \par \par Don't marry for money - you can borrow it cheaper. \par \par Don't measure your life by how many breaths you take, measure it by how many times you get your breath taken away. \par \par Don't pray for easy lives! Pray to be stronger men! Don't pray for tasks equal to your powers! Pray for powers equal to your tasks! \par (Phillips Brooks) \par \par Dont say" if I could, I would". \par Say instead "If I can, I will". \par \par Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Louis \par Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. \par \par Don't seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise: seek what they sought. (Basho) \par \par Don't spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you have now was once among the things you only \par hoped for. (The Vatican Sayings, Epicurus) \par \par Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. \par \par Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. (Elbert Hubbard) \par \par Don't take people for what they are! \par Most people do not deserve this. \par Take them rather for what they should be. \par Don't take me for what I should be. \par Take me for what I want to be. \par Yours friendly and faithfully! (Margarethe Strnad) \par \par Don't tell God how big your problems are...tell your problems how big your God is. \par \par Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. (Malayan proverb) \par \par Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path. \par \par Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church. \par \par Don't wait for your ship to come in. Row out to meet it. \par \par Don't wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly. (St. Francis De Sales) \par \par Don't work for recognition, but do work worthy of recognition. \par \par Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. (Howard \par Hathaway Aiken) \par \par Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. (Robert Fulghum) \par \par Do one thing at time, with supreme excellence. (NASA proverb) \par \par Do what you love and love what you're doing, and you'll never work another day in your life. \par \par "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied. "Well, then, that makes \par everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." \par \par Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. (James Dean) \par \par Drink wet cement and get really stoned. \par \par Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker. \par \par Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get. \par \par Drive-In banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. (E. Joseph Cossman) \par \par During a carnival, men put masks over their masks. (Xavier Forneret) \par \par During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched \par him into silence, and after church, asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach \par me to whistle. . . And He just then did!" \par \par Dusty bibles lead to dirty lives. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000024 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. \par \par Earlier people used to switch on TV's after getting bored with their routine work. \par Now they switch on to routine work after getting bored with TV. \par \par Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead. (Anamaniacs) \par \par Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. \par \par Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye. \par You'll also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl. \par \par Education and intelligence aren't the same thing! \par \par Engineer: a person who knows a great deal about very little and who goes along knowing more and more about less and less, until finally \par he knows practically everything about nothing. \par \par Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. (Robert Brault) \par \par Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is a balanced diet. \par \par Even a broken clock is right twice a day, but you wouldn't go scheduling your day by it would you? Then by the same token don't put \par too much faith in science. \par \par Even a short pencil is more reliable then the longest memory. \par \par Even if I'm not asleep, that doesn't mean I'm awake. \par \par Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there! (Will Rogers) \par \par Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to. \par \par Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. \par \par Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. \par \par Even though a marriage is made in heaven, the maintenance work has to be done here on earth! \par \par Events are less important than our response to them. \par \par Every closed eye is not sleeping; and every open eye is not seeing. \par \par Every crown is made for a head, but every head is not made for a crown. \par \par Everybody has a photographic memory. . . . Some don't have film. \par \par Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. \par \par \par \par \par Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. \par \par Every fool knows that he cannot reach the stars but it never keeps a wise man from trying. (Ronnie B. Woods) \par \par Every girl should use what mother nature gives her before father time takes it away. \par \par Every good friend once was a stranger. \par \par Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. \par \par Every man dies; not every man really lives.(Braveheart) \par \par Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener. \par \par Everyone leaves footprints in you memory, but the ones that leave footprints in your heart are the ones you will truely remember. \par (Nicholas Sperling) \par \par Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength. (Hasidic saying) \par \par Everyone wants to go to Heaven, yet no one wants to die. \par \par Every person is a fool in somebody's opinion. (Spanish Proverb) \par \par Every successful man I have heard of has done the best he could with conditions as he found them, and not waited until the next year for \par better. (Edgar Watson Howe) \par \par Every ten seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. \par \par Everything is possible; just not too probable. \par \par Everything that can be counted doesn't necessarily count; everything that counts can't necessarily be counted. (Einstein) \par \par Everywhere children are schooled to become masters at answering questions and to remain novices at asking them. (Dillon, 1988) \par \par Examine what is said, not who speaks. (Arabian Proverb) \par \par Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell. \par \par Expectations are for the unsure. (Peter Walstrom) \par \par Expect people to do better than they are..it helps them to become better; but, don't be disappointed when they are not- it helps them to \par keep trying. \par \par Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. \par \par Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. \par \par Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. \par \par Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. \par \par Extraordinary: it is the "extra" that make us more than ordinary. \par \par Facts don't disappear just because they're ignored. \par \par Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities. (Napolean Hill) \par \par Faith is not believing that God can, but that God will! \par \par Faith is not faith until it's all you're holding on to. \par \par Faithless is he who quits when the road darkens.(J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings) \par \par Faith makes all things possible. Love makes all things easy. Hope makes all things work. \par \par Far too many people spend their lives reading the menu instead of enjoying the banquet. \par \par Fat people are harder to kidnap. \par \par Fear doesn't overwhelm you; you let fear overwhelm you. \par \par Fear grows from what we don't know, faith comes from what we do. \par \par Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered and no one was there. \par \par Feed you faith and your doubts will starve to death! \par \par First things first! But not necessarily in that order. \par \par Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. \par \par Flirtation...Attention without intention. \par \par Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. \par \par Fools rush in - and get all the best seats. \par \par Foot: A device for finding furniture in the dark. \par \par For Christ Our Lord, All Can Give Some... Some Will Give All. \par \par Forget yourself when with others and others will not forget you. \par \par Forgiveness is like the fragrance a flower gives after it's been stepped on. \par \par Forgiveness is the best remedy for any injury. \par \par Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner! (Max Lucado) \par \par For God is not against us because of our sin. He is with us; against our sin. \par \par For good or ill, your conversation is your advertisement. Every time you open your mouth you let the people look into your mind. (Bruce \par Barton) \par \par For people who like peace and quiet: a phone less cord. \par \par Four things come not back: the spoken word, the spent arrow, the past, and the neglected opportunity. (Omar Idn Al-Halif) \par \par Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired. \par \par Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought. \par \par Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! \par \par Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears. \par \par Friendship is a golden chain, the links are friends so dear, and like a rare and precious jewel It's treasured more each year. \par \par Funny how a dollar can look so big when you take it to church, and so small when you take it to the store. \par \par Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. \par \par Give according to your income, lest God will make your income like your giving. \par \par Give a man a fish and he won't starve for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he won't starve for his entire life. (African proverb) \par \par Give plenty of what is given to you, \par And listen to pity's call; \par Don't think the little you give is great \par And the much you get is small. (Phoebe Cary 1824-1871) \par \par Give to a pig when it grunts and a child when it cries, and you will have a fine pig and a bid child. (Danish Proverb) \par \par Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for, because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for \par anything. (Peter Marshall) \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000025 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Goals are dreams with deadlines. \par \par God alone is the judge of true greatness because He knows men's hearts. (Mahatma Gandhi) \par \par God can mend a broken heart but he must have all the pieces. \par \par \par \par \par God creates a worm for every bird - but He does not throw it in the nest. \par \par God doesn't call people who are qualified. He calls people who are willing, and then He qualifies them. (Richard Parker) \par \par God doesn't discriminate ... only religions do. \par \par God gave us memories, that we might have June roses in the December of our lives. (James M. Barrie) \par \par God gave us time so that everything wouldn't happen all at once. \par \par God gave us two ears but only one mouth . . . Some people say that's because He wanted us to spend twice as much time listening as \par talking. Others claim it's because He knew listening was twice as hard as talking. \par \par God, give me courage to do what I can, \par humility to admit what I can't, \par and wisdom to know the difference. \par \par God gives every bird its food but he doesn't throw it to its nest. \par \par God gives us faces; we create our own expressions. \par \par God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the \par difference. (Reinhold Niebuhr) \par \par God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fee. (Ben Franklin) \par \par God is God, \par and I'm not. (Stephen Mansfield) \par \par God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him. (Kelly Sparks) \par \par God is too kind to do anything cruel; too wise to make a mistake; too deep to explain Himself. \par \par God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way. \par \par God loves you right where you are but he doesn't want to leave you there. (Max Lucado) \par \par God never said it would be easy .... He just said He would go with me. (J.G. Holland) \par \par God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever. \par \par God puts some in places of leadership to shoulder responsibility, not to enjoy privileges. \par \par God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. \par \par God's will will not lead you where His grace cannot keep you. \par \par God uses broken things. \par It takes broken soil to produce a crop, \par broken clouds to give rain, \par broken grain to give bread, \par broken bread to give strength. \par It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume \par . . . it is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever. (Vance Havner) \par \par God will supply all your real needs. \par \par Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. \par \par Good, better, best. \par Never rest \par Until good be better \par And better best. (Mother Goose) \par \par Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. \par \par Good leaders are like baseball umpires; they go practically unnoticed when doing their jobs right. (Byrd Baggett) \par \par Goodness is the only investment that never fails. (Thoreau) \par \par Grace is the divine ability to cope with every circumstance. \par \par Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. \par \par Great men may die, but there ideas won't. (Kelly Nelson) \par \par Great minds ... discuss ideas. \par Average minds ... discuss events. \par Small minds ... discuss people. \par \par Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. \par \par Guests and fish start to stink after two days. (Spanish Proverb) \par \par \par \par \par Habit never goes \par Because if you remove H \par Abit remains, \par If you remove A \par Bit remains, \par If you remove B \par It still remains \par \par Half of the world's misery comes from ignorance. The other half comes from intelligence. (Bonar Thompson) \par \par Handicapped is not helpless. \par \par Handy Guide to Modern Science: \par 1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. \par 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. \par 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics. \par \par Happiness is a path, not a destination. \par \par Happiness is not something you have in your hands; it is something you carry in you heart. \par \par Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have. \par \par Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew. \par \par Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take chances. \par \par Hard work has future payoff. Laziness pays off now. \par \par Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all! \par \par Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. \par \par Hating someone is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat. \par \par Having someplace to go to is home. Having someone to love is family. Having both is a blessing. \par \par Having the right to do it, doesn't mean it is right to do it. \par \par Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end. \par \par Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French the lovers Italian, and all is organized by the Swiss. \par (Eliane Kirchner) \par \par He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. (Abraham Lincoln) \par \par He has Van Gogh's ear for music. \par \par He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. (Jim Elliot) \par \par He is not afraid of work, you can tell by the way he fights it. \par \par Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. \par \par Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it. \par \par Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. (Richard Bach) \par \par Here's to you and here's to me and may we never disagree, but if we do I'll still love you. \par \par Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (C. S. Woodbridge) \par \par Heroes and winners aren't the same thing. \par \par He that lets the small things bind him, leaves the great undone behind him. \par \par He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.... \par \par He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. (Chinese proverb) \par \par He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. (J.R.R. Tolkien) \par \par He who buys what he does not need steals from himself. \par \par He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. (Albert Einstein) \par \par He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. (George Herbert) \par \par He who can take no interest in what is small, will take false interest in what is great. \par \par He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead. \par \par He who fails to prepare, prepares to fail. \par \par He who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with stinky finger. \par \par He who has a thing to sell and goes and whispers in a well \par is not as apt to get the dollars \par as he who climbs a tree and hollers. \par \par He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit. \par \par He who is not grateful for the good things he has would not be happy with what he wishes he had. \par \par He who kneels the most stands best. (D.L. Moody) \par \par \par \par \par He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him. \par He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child. Teach him. \par He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep. Wake him. \par He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man. Follow him. (Arab Proverb) \par \par He who laughs last thinks slowest! \par \par He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it. \par \par He who sees the calamity of other people finds his own calamity light. (Arabian Proverb) \par \par He who slings mud looses ground. \par \par He who stands for nothing, falls for anything. \par \par History is a selective interpretation of events designed to justify those currently in power. \par Memory is the same thing on an individual scale. \par \par History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up. \par \par Hoffer's law: When people are free to do what they want they usually imitate one another. \par \par Holding on to a hurt creates more hurt. \par \par Hollywood's a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss, and fifty cents for your soul. (Marilyn Monroe) \par \par Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. (Franklin P. Jones) \par \par Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. \par \par Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. \par (Vaclav Havel) \par \par Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill. \par \par Hospitality is making your guests feel at home -- even when you wish they were. \par \par Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything. \par \par Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it. \par \par How do you start your days? \par Good morning Lord or Good Lord, morning. \par \par How far you go in life is determined by how tender you are with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with those \par striving, and tolerant with the weak and strong, because some day in life you will have been all of them. \par \par How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. \par \par How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand! \par \par How would you like to spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking? \par \par Hugs are not measured by quantity; they are measured by quality. \par \par Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water. \par \par Human things must be known to be loved: but Divine things must be loved to be known. \par \par Hurt leads to bitterness, bitterness to anger, travel too far that road and the way is lost(Terry Brooks) \par \par Hymns appropriate to the occasion. \par Dentist's Hymn -- "Crown Him with Many Crowns" \par TV Weatherman's Hymn -- "Showers of Blessing" \par Contractor's Hymn -- "The Church's One Foundation" \par Tailor's Hymn -- "Holy, Holy, Holy" \par Golfer's Hymn -- "There Is a Green Hill Far Away" \par Politician's Hymn -- "Standing on the Promises" \par IRS Hymn -- "All to Thee" \par Gossiper's Hymn -- "Pass it On" \par Electrician's Hymn -- "Send the Light" \par Shopper's Hymn -- "Sweet By and By" \par \par If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly: \par at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me" \par at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah" \par at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee" \par at 75 mph.... "Nearer Still Nearer" \par at 85 mph.... "This World is Not My Home" \par at 95 mph.... "Lord, I'm Coming Home" \par at 100 mph.... "Precious Memories" \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000026 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. \par \par I always knew that looking back on my tears would someday make me laugh, but I never knew that looking back on my laughter would \par someday make me cry. \par \par I always thought looking back on the times I cried would make me laugh; but I never knew looking back on the times I laughed would \par make me cry. \par \par I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back. \par \par I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it. \par \par I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 96% how I react to it. \par \par I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship. (Louisa May Alcott) \par \par I am not religious, I just love the Lord. \par \par I am on a thirty day diet. \par So far, I have lost 15 days. \par \par I am so glad God sees the whole video tape of my life, and not just a snapshot of where I am now. \par \par I am sorry I offended you - I should have lied. \par \par I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion. \par \par I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong. \par I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve. \par I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brain to work. \par I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome. \par I asked for patience God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait. \par I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help. \par I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities. \par I asked for everything so I could enjoy life. Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy everything. \par I received nothing I wanted I received everything I needed. \par My prayer has been answered. \par \par I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. \par \par I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. (C.S. Lewis) \par \par I believe in the Big Bang theory. God spoke and BANG! It was. \par \par I can get more out of God by believing Him for one minute than by shouting at Him all night. (Smith Wigglesworth) \par \par I can lead you to the water but I can't let you drink. \par \par I can not and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. (Lillian Hellman) \par \par I can't dial 911. \par There's no 11 on my phone. \par \par I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do. That is character! - (Theodore \par Roosevelt) \par \par I close my eyes in order to see. \par \par I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. \par \par I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. (Voltaire) \par \par I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in? \par \par I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it. \par \par I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too. \par \par I don't feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. \par (Galileo Galilei) \par \par I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. \par \par I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. \par \par I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. (Bill Cosby) \par \par I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow. \par \par I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. \par Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.(Erma Bombeck) \par \par I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. \par \par \par \par \par I don't need your attitude I have one of my own. \par \par I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains. (Anne Frank) \par \par I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not. (Alan Smithee) \par \par I don't understand Christianity, nor do I understand electricity, but I don't intend to sit in the dark until I do! \par \par I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. (Diane \par Ackerman) \par \par I'd rather do something and fail than do nothing and succeed! \par \par If a bird is flying for pleasure, it flies with the wind, but if it meets danger it turns and faces the wind, in order that it may rise higher. \par (Corrie Ten Boom) \par \par If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has. (Rev. Robert E. Harris) \par \par If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. (Albert Einstein) \par \par If all else fails, read the directions. \par \par If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. \par \par If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his \par friendship in constant repair. (Samuel Johnson 1709-1784) \par \par If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization. \par \par If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands. \par \par If God didn't forgive Heaven would be empty. \par \par If God is your co-pilot, switch seats with Him! \par \par If he was any slower, he'd be going in reverse. \par \par If I did not laugh, I should die. (Abraham Lincoln) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life. (Erma \par Bombeck) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone \par wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I \par weren't there for the day. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. (Erma \par Bombeck) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would have talked less and listened more. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par If I had my life to live over I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been \par teased and sprayed. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par If innocence can leave guilt can come. \par \par If it is to be, it is up to me! (10 most important 2 letter words) \par \par If it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing! (Stacey Brown) \par \par If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. (Dennis Roch) \par \par If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. \par \par If life deals you a lemon, make lemonade. \par \par If life were a novel, then dead would mark the end of the first chapter...(Kelly Nelson) \par \par If life were easy, then it would be boring. (Charles Beck) \par \par If money could talk, it would say goodbye. \par \par If nobody knows the troubles you've seen, then you don't live in a small town. \par \par If our gifts are not surrendered to God, we tend to beat people over the head with them. \par \par If someone is standing between you and God, guess who's closer to God. \par \par If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to \par give. \par \par If someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. \par \par If success attend me, grant me humility; If failure, resignation to Thy will. (David Livingstone) \par \par If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise. (W.B. Yeats) \par \par If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener...it must be all the fertilizer they are using! (Kevin Rodowicz) \par \par If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand. \par \par If there is light in the soul, \par There will be beauty in the person. \par If there is beauty in the person, \par There will be harmony in the house. \par If there is harmony in the house, \par There will be order in the nation. \par If there is order in the nation, \par There will be peace in the world. \par (Chinese Proverb) \par \par If the road you travel, has no obstacles, It leads nowhere. \par \par If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same? \par \par If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. \par \par If things get better with age, I'm approaching magnificent! \par \par If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. \par \par If we are walking in joy, we are trusting God. \par \par If we'd confess our sins to one another we'd all laugh at the lack of originality. \par \par If we don't control our money, it will control us. \par \par If we don't know our own history, we are doomed to live it. (Hannah Arendt) \par \par If we preach what we live....We don't ever have to worry about practicing what we preach! \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000027 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time. \par \par If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. \par \par If you are headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns. \par \par If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances. \par \par If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation. (Jiddu Krishnamurti \par 1895-1986) \par \par If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs and blaming it on you - perhaps you have underestimated the seriousness of \par the situation. \par \par If you can laugh when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. \par \par If you can't be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped. \par \par If you can't control the wind, adjust your sail. \par \par If you can't convince them, confuse them. (Harry S. Truman) \par \par If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century. \par \par If you can't say something nice, become a reporter. \par \par If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd. \par \par If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. (Dale \par Carnegie) \par \par If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles in the backside, you wouldn't be able to sit down for two weeks. \par \par If you decide not to choose then you've already made the wrong choice! \par \par If you depend on others to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed. \par \par If you don't do it, you'll never know what would have happened if you had done it. (Ashleigh Brilliant) \par \par If you don't have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over. \par \par If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere. (Henry Kissinger) \par \par If you don't know where you're going how do you expect to get there. \par \par If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you can't change it, accept it. (Ted Shackelford) \par \par If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again. \par \par If you don't love, you can't live; if you don't live, you can't love. (Jason Benson) \par \par If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. \par \par If you don't want your children to hear what you're saying, pretend you're speaking directly to them. \par \par If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy but the mud will never get glovey. \par \par If you ever need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm. \par \par If you find a four-leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands. \par \par If you gave me something I need more than you do, you've given me a gift; If you've given me something you need more than I do, \par you've gifted me with love. \par \par If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. \par \par If you give 100%, God will make up the difference! \par \par If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere. (Zig \par Zigler) \par \par If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart. (Arab proverb) \par \par If you haven't all the things that you want, be thankful for all the things that you don't have that you didn't want. \par \par If you haven't much education you must use your brain. \par \par \par \par \par If you have the desire, you are halfway there. (E. Crique) \par \par If you have time to worry, you have time to pray. \par \par If you judge people, you will have no time to love them. \par \par If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places. (Andrew Mason) \par \par If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it. \par \par If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. \par \par If you love something set it free....If it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't than it was never meant to be. \par \par If you only have the Word, you will dry up. If you only have the Spirit, you will blow up. But if you you have the Word and the Spirit, \par you will go up and grow up. \par \par If your vision doesn't scare you, then both your vision and your God are too small. (Brother Andrew) \par \par If you set the example, you won't need to set many rules. (Mama Zigler) \par \par If you step in a puddle, don't blame the puddle. \par \par If you still have the courage after loosing all , you can be rest assured that you have not lost everything. \par \par If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. (Mark Twain) \par \par If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur. ( Red Adair, when asked what his fee was \par for extinguishing oil well fires after the Gulf war.) \par \par If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. \par \par If you think you're getting too much government these days, just be happy that you're not getting all you are paying for. \par \par If you treat a man as he is, he will remain as he is; if you treat him as he ought to be and could be, he will become as he ought to be and \par could be. (Goethe) \par \par If you treat every situation like a life or death matter, be prepared to die a lot of times. \par \par If you understand something today, it must be obsolete. \par \par If you wait to have kids until you can afford them, you probably never will. \par \par If you want a thing well done, do it yourself. (Charles Haddon Spurgeon) \par \par If you want breakfast in bed, then start sleeping in the kitchen. \par \par If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. (Abigail Van Buren) \par \par If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road. (Charles Farr) \par \par If you want to be well liked never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others. \par \par If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy. (Robert Marlowe) \par \par If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. \par \par If you wish your merit to be known, acknowledge that of other people. (Oriental Proverb) \par \par If you your lips would keep from slips, \par Five things observe with care: \par Of whom you speak, to whom you speak, \par And how and when and where. \par \par I had dreams and I've had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams. \par \par I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today. (Henny Youngman) \par \par I have changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now. \par \par I have discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week, and the government spends 7. \par \par I have gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses. \par \par I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams. (Dr. Jonas Salk) \par \par I have faith in fools, my friends call it self-confidence. \par \par I have learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. \par (James Rhinehart) \par \par I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. \par (James Rhinehart) \par \par I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. (James Rhinehart) \par \par I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand. (Chinese proverb) \par \par I just got lost in thought. . . . It was unfamiliar territory. \par \par I just want to turn on the light and have it work...I don't want to know where the electricity comes from. \par \par I know Karate! ...and several other Japanese words. \par \par I know UNIX, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, and nineteen other high-tech words. \par \par I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. (Winston Churchill) \par \par I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. (August Strindberg) \par \par I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting system through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. (George \par Washington Carver) \par \par Imagination is intelligence having fun. \par \par Imagination is more important than knowledge. (Albert Einstein) \par \par Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't; and a sense of humor to console him for what he is. \par \par "I'm a lawyer." \par .. "Honest?".. \par "No, the usual kind." \par \par Imbesi's Law of the Conservation of Filth: "In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty." \par Freeman's Extension: "...but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean." \par \par I'm old enough to know better but I'm still to young to care. \par \par \par \par \par I'm serious; it was a joke. \par \par I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. (Groucho Marx) \par \par In a completely rational society, the best of us would be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for something less, because \par passing civilization along from one generation to the next ought to be the highest honor and the highest responsibility anyone could \par have.(Lee Iacocca) \par \par Inch by inch life's a cinch. \par Yard by yard life is hard. \par \par In communism, man oppresses man. \par In capitalism, it's the other way around. \par \par Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold please. \par \par Indian build small fire stand real close, White man build BIG fire stand way back.... \par \par In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity. (Melanchthon) \par \par Information is giving out. \par Communication is getting through. \par \par Initiative is the ability to do the right thing.. efficiency is the ability to do the thing right.. effectiveness is doing the right things. \par \par In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. (Thomas Jefferson) \par \par I no longer worry about being a brilliant conversationalist. I simply try to be a good listener. I notice that people who do that are usually \par welcome wherever they go. (Frank Bettger) \par \par In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. \par (Dereke Bruce) \par \par In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. (John Bunyan) \par \par In spite of the cost of living, it's still quite popular. \par \par Integrity is when what you say, what you do, what you think, and who you are all come from the same place. (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie) \par \par Intelligence is like underwear, everyone has it but you don't have to show it off. \par \par Intercessory prayer might be defined as loving our neighbor on our knees. (Charles Brent) \par \par In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal. \par \par In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving. (Sheldon Kopp) \par \par In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life; it goes on. \par \par I once saw this sign on a diner wall: "I have an agreement with the bank: thy don't fry hamburgers, and I don't cash checks." \par \par I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. \par \par I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I "had" any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up \par in the first place! \par \par "Is ignorance or apathy the biggest problem with the world today?" \par "I don't know and I don't care". \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000028 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature. \par \par I thank you God that I can be a father. \par I cherish the hug from my son or daughter. \par I pray my Dear Father that in some small way \par You will feel my love as I hug you today. \par (Richard Wimer) \par \par It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. \par \par I think if I have a good breakfast I could go without food for the rest of the day. I think that until about lunchtime. \par \par I think I've found the trouble with our economy. There are far more ways to get into debt, than there are to get out of it. \par \par It is always the ones who talk loudest who do the least. \par \par It is amazing how many people want to live a long life, and yet so few want to grow old. \par \par It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away. (Michael Arlen) \par \par It is a poor workman who blames his tools. \par \par It is a small world, but I wouldn't like to have to paint it. \par \par It is as necessary for men to hear the Gospel, as it was for Christ to die. \par \par It is better to be 5 minutes late than dead for 5 minutes. (John Leighton) \par \par It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. (Mark Twain) \par \par It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. (Herman Melville) \par \par It is better to forget and smile, than to remember and be sad. \par \par It is better to have bad breath than to have no breath at all. \par \par It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. \par \par It is better to live day by day for you might not be here tomorrow. \par \par It is better to regret something you did, rather than to regret something you didn't do. \par \par It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it. \par \par It is better to sleep on what you intend doing than to stay awake over what you've done. \par \par It is difficult to "go with the flow" when you are swimming upstream. \par \par It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa. \par \par It is easy to be flexible when one is spineless! \par \par It is easy to have a balanced personality. Just forget your troubles as easily as you do your blessings. \par \par It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. \par \par It is funny how we can see this outside world using our eyes; and we can see someone's inside world looking into their eyes. \par \par It is hard to read a cartoon aloud. \par \par It is hard to stumble when you're on your knees. \par \par It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial charges and blamed it on the cost of living. \par \par It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite. \par \par It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. (Epictetus) \par \par \par \par It is impossible to overestimate the immense need that humans have to be listened to, understood, and taken seriously. \par \par It is nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. \par \par It is not against the law to be stupid, but it is stupid to be against the law. \par \par It is not always easy to.... \par apologize \par begin over \par take advise \par be unselfish \par keep trying \par be considerate \par think and then act \par profit by mistakes \par forgive and forget \par .... but it usually pays. (Richard Hamilton) \par \par It is not a war on drugs; it's a war on people. \par \par It is not how busy you are, but why you are busy- the bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted. \par \par It is not how much we do, but how much love we put into doing it. \par It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving. (Mother Teresa) \par \par It is not, how much you know...It is making the best use of what you know ! \par \par It is not raining. The sky leaks. \par \par It is not 'seeing' the light that impacts one's life; it is never 'ceasing' to see the light that impresses one's life, spirit, heart and soul. (Diane \par Lahaie) \par \par It is not talking but walking that will bring us to heaven. (Matthew Henry) \par \par It is not that we don't know the right answers, it is just that we don't ask the right questions. (Tony Robbins) \par \par It is not the difference between people that is the difficulty; it is the indifference. \par \par It is not the employer who pays wages- he only handles the money...It is the product that pays wages. \par \par It is not the people who tell all they know that cause most of the trouble in the world- it's the ones who tell more. \par \par It is not the relation which is important, but the relationship that is important! \par \par It is not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog. \par \par It is not the speaker who controls communication, but the listener. \par \par It is not what a teenager knows that worries his parents. It's how he found out. \par \par It is not what's right about war, it's about what's left. \par \par It is not what they say about you, it's what they whisper. \par \par It is not what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think \par about. (Dale Carnegie) \par \par It is not your position that makes you happy or unhappy, it's your disposition. \par \par It is OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound. \par \par It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) \par \par It is our responsibility, not ourselves that we should take seriously. \par \par It is seldom easy to do what's right or right to do what's easy. \par \par It is strange how an earthquake 4,000 miles away seems less of a catastrophe than the first scratch on your new car. \par \par It is taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything. (Rene Coty) \par \par It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with the pearl. \par \par It is time to quit playing church and start being the church. (Keith Green) \par \par It is when we forget ourselves that we do things that are most likely to be remembered. \par \par It is your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude. (Zig Zigler) \par \par It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. \par \par I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose \par \par It takes less time to do the thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. \par \par It takes more money to amuse todays children than it took to educate their parents. \par \par It was all so different before everything changed. \par \par I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. \par \par I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost. \par \par \par \par \par I used to be Snow White...but I drifted. (Mae West) \par \par I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed.... \par \par I value all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity. (John Wesley) \par \par I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. \par \par I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is a temporary situation. \par \par I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. (Mark Twain) \par \par I've to say NO to the good so I can say YES to the best. \par \par I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car ... \par \par I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me. \par \par I was regretting the past and fearing the future. Suddenly God was speaking: "My name is I am." I waited and God continued: \par "When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I was." \par "When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I will be." \par "When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here. My name is I am." \par (Helen Mellincost) \par \par I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to me. (Woody Allen) \par \par I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way. (Jayson Feinburg) \par \par I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. \par \par I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that." \par \par Jesus accepts you the way you are, but loves you too much to leave you that way. (Lee Venden) \par \par Jesus is the man God intended all humans to be. (D.L. Dykes) \par \par Jesus paid a debt he didn't owe because we had a debt we couldn't pay. \par \par Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. \par "They should not put up such misleading notices", said Joe. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE." \par \par Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. \par \par Just as children bring their broken toys for us to mend, \par I brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend. \par Instead of leaving him in peace to work alone, \par I stuck around and tried to help with ways that were my own. \par At last I snatched them back and cried "how could you be so slow?" \par "My child", he said, "What could I do, you never did let go". \par \par Just because a person grows older, it doesn't mean he necessarily grows up. \par \par Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is. \par \par Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000029 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Karl Marx's Mother: If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better. \par \par Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, \par can become great. (Mark Twain) \par \par Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining. \par \par Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin) \par \par Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par Killing time murders opportunities. \par \par Kindness: a language the deaf can hear, the blind can see, and the mute can speak. \par \par Kindness has converted more sinners, than zeal, eloquence or learning. (F. W. Faber) \par \par Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. (Mother Teresa) \par \par Knowing is not enough; \par We must Apply. \par Willing is not enough; \par We must Do. (Goethe) \par \par Knowing what to say is not always necessary; just the presence of a caring friend can make a world of difference. (Sheri Curry) \par \par Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing. \par \par Knowledge of God can be fully given to man only in a Person, never in a doctrine. Faith is not the holding of correct doctrine, but \par personal fellowship with the living God. (William Temple 1881-1944) \par \par Last night I dreamed my life was done, and heaven's gates flung wide. \par And with kindly grace, an angel ushered me inside. \par And there stood those I'd shunned or judged unworthy or unclean. \par Indignant words rose to my lips, but never were set free, \par On every face showed stunned surprise: no one expected me. \par \par Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it! \par \par Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile. \par \par Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart. \par \par Laughter is the jam on the toast of life; it adds flavor, keeps it from becoming too dry, and makes it easier to swallow. \par \par Lawyer (n): Larval stage of Politician. \par \par Lazyness is the only luxury that not even a millioner can afford. \par \par Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self importance. \par \par Learn from the past \par Live for today \par Look for tomorrow \par Take a nap this afternoon \par \par Learning history is easy. Learning its lessons is almost impossible. \par \par Learn to listen, opportunity often knocks softly. \par \par Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin. (Charles Haddon Spurgeon) \par \par Let nature take its course and hope it passes. \par \par Let perseverance be your engine and hope your fuel. (H. Jackson Brown Jr.) \par \par Lets face it, the world would be a boring place without oppressive governments. If we were free to do or say whatever we wanted, it \par wouldn't be exciting to do or say anything. (James Maverick Cook) \par \par Let us so live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry. (Mark Twain) \par \par Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. (Soren Kierkegaard 1813-1855) \par \par Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. \par \par Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of. \par \par Life is an echo. \par What you send out - you get back. \par What you give - you get. \par \par Life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you'll see. \par \par Life is hard, no one makes it out alive. \par \par Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when you'll find a nut. \par \par Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will. (Jawaharlal Nehru) \par \par Life is like a game of tennis; the player who serves well seldom loses. \par \par Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense. \par \par Life is like a ladder, the higher you climb, the more expansive your view is. (Taimi Megivern) \par \par Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting. \par \par Life is like a movie..How good you do depends on your critics. \par \par Life is like an onion. You peel it off layer by layer and sometimes you cry. \par \par Life is much like writing in ink : All you can do is read over your past and look forward to a blank page for your future that will soon be \par filled with words that can never be erased. (Gabe Suico) \par \par Life isn't fair, but life isn't fair for everyone. That makes life fair. \par \par Life is really a bed of roses, others are just lucky to have friends to help them pick the thorns off. \par \par Life is so much simpler when you tell the truth. \par \par Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third. \par \par Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. (John Lennon) \par \par Life is what you have while you are waiting to have one. \par \par Life itself cannot give you joy unless you really will it. \par Life just gives you time and space. Its up to you to fill it. \par \par Life just gives you time & space; it's up to you to fill it. \par \par Little birdie in the sky, \par dropped a poopie in my eye \par I didn't scream, \par I didn't cry, \par But I thanked the Lord cows can't fly! \par \par Live by what you trust, not by what you fear. \par \par Live each day as if it were your last, but learn from each day as if you will live forever. \par \par Live for Jesus now and spend the rest of eternity in the non-smoking section. \par \par Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. (Will Rogers) \par \par Live your own life, for you will die your own death. (Latin proverb) \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000030 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Looking back, may I be filled with gratitude; \par Looking forward, may I be filled with hope; \par Looking upward, may I be aware of strength; \par Looking inward, may I find peace....... \par \par Lord, be merciful, shut me up when my life speaks so much louder than my words. \par \par Lord give me an answer, or give me the patience to wait for one, just do it now please! \par \par Lord grant me the courage to do the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. \par \par Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish. (Michelangelo) \par \par Lord, make my words soft and tender for tomorrow I may have to eat them. \par \par Lord, may others treat me tomorrow as I have treated them today. \par \par Lord, so far today I've not been grumpy, selfish, greedy, envious, proud, or angry. I'm really pleased about that. But in a few minutes \par now, I'm going to get up and from then on, I'll probably need a lot more help. \par \par Lord, where we are wrong, make us willing to change; where we are right, make us easy to live with. (Rev. Peter Marshall) \par \par Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks \par down. (Oprah Winfrey) \par \par Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. \par \par Love God more than you fear hell. \par \par Love has reasons that reason knows nothing of. \par \par Love is blind. \par Marriage is the eye-opener. \par \par Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. \par \par Love is not blind; it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. (Rabbi Julius Gordon) \par \par Love is not just gazing at each other but looking together in the same direction. \par \par Love is not paid back only passed on. (Nancy Pettit) \par \par Love is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity. (Helen Hayes) \par \par Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly. \par \par Love is the one word that we use every day, and the one word that words cannot define. (Anna K. Schwartz) \par \par Love is the only fire hot enough to melt the iron obstinacy of a creature's will. \par \par Love is the unity of two hearts beating together as one. \par \par Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship, and find out you still care for that person. \par \par Love, like paint, can make things beautiful when you spread it, but it simply dries up when you don't use it. \par \par Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe. \par \par Love sees no color. \par \par \par \par Gold Roses - Real roses dipped in 24k gold - delivered! Show her how you feel! \par \par Love the sinner but hate the sin. (Mahatma Gandhi) \par \par "LSD melts your mind, not in your hand" \par \par Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position! \par \par Mae: I've been asked to get married lots of times. \par Rae: Who asked you? \par Mae: Mom and Dad. Lots of times. \par \par Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. \par \par Make your life a mission, not an intermission. (Arnold Glasgow) \par \par Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one! \par \par Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore. \par \par Man finds it hard to get what he wants, because he does not want the best. \par God finds it hard to give, because He would give the best, and man will not take it. \par \par Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard. \par \par Many a man thinks he is buying pleasure, when he is really selling himself to it. (Benjamin Franklin) \par \par Many Christians debate whether the devil is on earth or in hell. Can he dwell in Christians or only in the world? The fact is: the devil is in \par darkness. Wherever there is spiritual darkness, there the devil will be. \par \par Many people lose their tempers merely by seeing you keep yours. \par \par Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. \par \par Many people spend their health for wealth, and then try to spend their wealth for health. (Mikey) \par \par Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. \par \par Many years ago, a large American shoe company sent two sales representatives out to different parts of the Australian outback to see if \par they could drum up some business among the Aborigines. Some time later, the company received telegrams from both agents. \par The first said, "No business here . . . natives don't wear shoes." \par The second one said, "Great opportunity here . . . natives don't wear shoes!" \par (John M. Capozzi) \par \par Marital problems? You don't need a new wife, you need a new life! \par \par Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. (Erma Bombeck) \par \par Marriage - is an expensive way of getting your laundry done for free. \par \par May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope \par to make you happy and enough money to buy gifts. \par \par May your life be long and useful like a roll of toilet paper. \par \par May your trouble be like the old man's teeth...few and far between. \par \par Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man's last romance. \par \par Men tell you the facts, but God will tell you the truth! \par \par Men will spend their health getting wealth. Then, gladly pay all they have earned to get health back. (Mike Murdock) \par \par Middle age starts when you have been warned to slow down, not by a motorcycle cop, but by your doctor. \par \par Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open. \par \par Money is an excellent servant, but a horrible master. \par \par Money is like unspreadable butter, you try and spread it but it all lumps together at one end of the bread. \par \par Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.. \par \par Moral rules are directions for running the human machine. Every moral rule is there to prevent a breakdown, or a strain, or a friction, in \par the running of that machine. (C.S. Lewis) \par \par More doors are opened with "please" than with keys. \par \par Mosquitoes are a great moral force; it forces mankind to wear more clothes that modesty. \par \par Most accidents happen at home - maybe we oughta move. \par \par Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime. \par \par Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose one driving enthusiasm is so \par great it makes their faults seem insignificant. (Charles A. Cerami) \par \par Most of our suspicions of others are aroused by our knowledge of ourselves. \par \par Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important. (T.S. Elliot) \par \par Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. (Abraham Lincoln) \par \par Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" \par Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." \par Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" \par Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?" \par \par Mrs. Squiffy decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald \par bracelets and a ruby pendant." \par "But you are not wearing any of those things." \par "I know," said Mrs. Squiffy. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry, and I want his new wife to go nuts \par looking for the jewelry." \par \par Murphy's Law isn't recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. \par \par My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates) \par \par My aim is that when my hands will work no longer, that the works of my hands will still continue to keep on working. \par \par My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself. \par \par My dog is very obedient, \par he does what he is bid. \par A sign said 'wet paint', \par and that's just what he did. \par \par My "check engine" light came on the other day. I popped the hood, and looked, the engine is STILL there! Silly light . . . \par \par My face in the mirror \par Isn't wrinkled or drawn. \par My house isn't dirty. \par The cobwebs are gone. \par My garden looks lovely, \par And so does my lawn. \par I think I might never \par Put my glasses back on. \par \par My five-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher what her father does, and she replied, "Whatever my Mom tells him to." \par \par My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. \par He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. (Indira Gandhi) \par \par My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there. (Charles F. Keetering) \par \par My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. (Erma \par Bombeck) \par \par My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. (Ashleigh Brilliant) \par \par My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why \par should you? (Erma Bombeck) \par \par My worst day of vacation has always been better than my best day at work. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000031 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Need some time to be alone, try washing the dishes! \par \par Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, then they will beat you with experience. \par \par Never confuse having a career with having a life. \par \par Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. \par \par Never let a problem become an excuse! \par \par Never say anything unless it is kind, necessary and true. \par \par Never seek the wind in the field. It is useless to try and find what is gone. (Polish proverb) \par \par Never stand between a dog and a tree. \par \par Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. (General George S. Patton, Jr) \par \par Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. \par \par Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it. \par \par No answer is also an answer. \par \par Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. (Tallulah Bankhead) \par \par Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan. \par \par No God - No Peace. \par Know God - Know Peace. \par \par No happy time is really gone, if it leaves a special memory. \par \par No horse goes as fast as the money you bet on him. \par \par No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood. \par \par No Jesus - No Love. \par Know Jesus - Know Love. \par \par No man ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things. \par \par No man is a failure who has friends. (Clarence) \par \par No man is rich enough to buy back his past. (Oscar Wilde) \par \par No man is too big to be kind...but many men are too little. (Matt Maguire) \par \par No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions. \par \par No Matter what happens Today. You must remember that...Today will be Tomorrow's past, and Tomorrow will be Today. (Patty \par Satjapot) \par \par No matter what you want to do, there's always something else that has to be done first. \par \par No moving parts, no batteries. \par No monthly payments and no fees. \par Inflation proof, non-taxable, \par in fact it's quite reliable. \par It can't be stolen, won't pollute, \par one size fits all, do not dilute. \par It uses little energy, \par but yields results enormously. \par Relieves your tension and your stress, \par invigorates your happiness. \par Combats depression, makes you beam \par and elevates your self esteem. \par Your circulation it corrects \par without complicated side effects. \par It is, I think, the perfect drug. \par May I prescribe, my friend. . . . . . the hug! \par \par Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. \par \par No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt) \par \par No one ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things. \par \par No one is listening until you make a mistake. \par \par No one is responsible for all the things that happen to him, but he is responsible for the way he acts when they do happen. \par \par No one plans to fail but people can fail to plan. \par \par No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. \par \par Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. \par \par Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to \par overcome. (Golda Meir) \par \par Note on a door: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner also. \par \par Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. (Sign hanging in Albert Einstein's office at \par Princeton) \par \par Nothing is as soft as water, yet who can withstand the raging flood? (Lao Ma) \par \par Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. (Rodin) \par \par Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. \par \par Nothing seems impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. \par \par Nothing seems to bring on an emergency as quickly as putting money aside in case of one. \par \par Notice: The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. \par \par Not our activity for Him but our captivity to Him! \par \par Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is. (Ernest Hemingway) \par \par Now that I've given up hope I feel much better... \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000032 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. (Hannah More) \par \par Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest of these is: "It might have been". \par \par Of all the music that reached farthest into heaven, it is the beating of a loving heart. (Henry Ward Beecher) \par \par Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. \par \par Of course, there's now a higher percentage of seat belt users. The non-users are slowly being killed off. \par \par Oh Lord, help me to keep my big mouth shut until I know what I'm talking about. \par \par Oh, the worst of all tragedies is not to die young, but to live until I am seventy-five and yet not ever truly to have lived. (Martin Luther \par King Jr.) \par \par Old hippies never die, they just surrender to society. (Stephe) \par \par On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog. \par \par On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess \par we won't have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heavens!, if even only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it." \par \par Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box. (Italian Proverb) \par \par One can resist an intrusion of armies but not an idea whose time has come. (Victor Hugo) \par \par One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others. \par \par One good thing about forgetting is that you can no longer worry about what ever it was you forgot. \par \par One half of the world will never understand the other half, and it doesn't matter which half you're in. \par \par One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds. \par \par One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment. (Merle Shain) \par \par One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. \par \par One of the most lasting pleasures you can experience is the feeling that comes over you when you genuinely forgive an enemy - whether \par he knows it or not. (O. A. Battista) \par \par One of the surest hindrances to the recovery of the sick is the centering of attention upon themselves. (Ellen White) \par \par One reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone. \par \par One thing you can give and still keep, is your word. \par \par One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it is holding a parking ticket. \par \par One who looks for a friend without faults will have none. \par \par One with God is a majority. (Billy Graham) \par \par One Youngster was explaining to another what "mixed emotions" meant. "It's like watching the school burn down when your new \par catcher's mitt is in your desk," he said. \par \par Only boring people get bored. (Robin Beyer) \par \par Only in America do people order double cheese burgers, a large fries, and a diet coke. \par \par Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage. \par \par Only one life, it will soon be past. \par Only what's done for Christ will last. (C. T. Studd) \par \par Only the winners decide what were war crimes. (Gary Willis) \par \par On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. A little voice from \par the back of the room asked: "How will that help?" \par \par Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. \par \par Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them. (William Arthur Ward) \par \par Optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. \par \par Originality is the art of concealing your source. -- Franklin P. Jones \par \par Others may argue your beliefs, but they can't refuse your love. \par \par Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children. \par \par Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than look back. \par \par Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. (Oliver Goldsmith) \par \par Our toaster works on either AC or DC, but not on bread. It has two settings: too soon or too late. (Sam Levenson) \par \par Outer agitation reveals inner instability. \par \par Overheard during a particular long sermon, "If we give him the money now, Mommy, will he let us go?" \par \par \par \par \par PARENTAL OBSERVATIONS \par A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning. \par A child will not spill on a dirty floor. \par A young child is a noise with dirt on it. \par An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. \par Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children. \par If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. \par You can learn many things from children... like how much patience you have. \par Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid. \par \par Parents are so excited about the first steps and words of their children, but then they spend the next 17 years telling them to sit down and \par shut up. \par \par Passion: A feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you've never felt before. (Andrew Edgerton) \par \par Passion: there are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. \par \par Patience is the silken cord on which are strung the pearls of virtue. \par \par Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. (Antisthenes) \par \par People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges (J. F. Newton) \par \par People are never too busy to tell you all that they have to do. \par \par People do not care how much you know, till they know how much you care! (Brett Watson) \par \par People do not plan to fail, they just fail to plan. \par \par People do not quit playing because they grow old. \par They grow old because they quit playing. (Oliver Wendell Holmes) \par \par People forget how fast you did a job- but they remember how well you did it. \par \par People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do. \par \par \par \par Gold Roses - Tell her how you feel! Real roses dipped in gold - delivered with your message. \par \par People never say, "It's only a game", when they're winning. \par \par People pick bad things from bad company very quickly but good company takes a good time to gift good things to them. \par \par People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the \par ocean, at the circular motion of the stars.... and they pass by themselves without wondering. (St. Augustine) \par \par People who are often in a hurry imagine they are energetic, when in most cases they are simply inefficient. (Sydney J. Harris) \par \par People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties. \par \par People who think they're out of this world always make you wish they were. \par \par People who value their privileges above their principles, soon lose both. \par \par People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot ! \par \par People would enjoy life more if, once they got what they wanted, they could remember how much they wanted it. \par \par People would worry less about what others think of them if they only realized how seldom they do. \par \par Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. \par \par Philosophy can not be attained from text on a page... it comes from with the soul. (Russ Kolibas) \par \par Plan ahead: It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark! \par \par Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. (Carl Sandburg) \par \par Politics: Poly (many) + ticks (bloodsucking parasites) \par \par Popular statement in WW2, "there are no atheists in foxholes" \par \par Positive anything is better than negative nothing. \par \par Poverty is a condition with but one advantage, it doesn't take much to improve your lot. \par \par Poverty within is as dangerous as poverty without. (Rowan Swan) \par \par Praise can be your most valuable asset as long as you don't aim it at yourself. \par \par Pray as if everything depended on GOD, \par Act as if everything depended on yourself! \par \par Prayer does not cause faith to work, faith causes prayer to work. (Gloria Copeland) \par \par Praying is hard; living without it is harder. \par \par Preach the Gospel at all times ... if necessary, use words. (St. Francis of Assisi) \par \par Presence is more than just being there. If your absence doesn't make any difference, your presence won't either. \par \par Pride is something we have. Vanity is something others have. \par \par Problems are only opportunities in work clothes. (Henry J. Kaiser) \par \par Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark. \par \par Promises are meant to be kept, for they are like precious pearls in an ocean, their value is high and quality genuine and true, and once \par they are made they can never be broken. \par \par Proverbs are short sentences drawn from long experience. \par \par Proverbs contain within one or two lines the lessons of lifetime. \par \par Public transportation notice: "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, \par please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you." \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000033 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Quality is presence of value and not absence of mistake. \par \par Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research. \par \par Reach for the moon. If you miss, you may fall on a star. (Marvin the Martian) \par \par Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out. \par \par Recipe; a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the \par dog won't eat. \par \par Refusing to have an opinion is a way of having one. \par \par Relationships can be boring - not people! \par \par Remember, don't put it off... \par Go ahead and do it... \par If you get to it... \par And don't do it... \par You may never get to it.. \par To do it... \par Again. \par \par Remember that failure is an event - not a person. \par \par Remember the golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules. \par \par Remember, worth and value are not wrapped up in what you do. \par You are not a human doing. \par You are a human being. \par \par Remember, your relatives had no choice in the matter either. \par \par Repentance is never something to be ashamed of. \par \par Repentance is sorrow for the deed..not for getting caught. \par \par Reputation is made in a moment: character is built in a lifetime. \par \par Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die! \par \par Respect cannot be learned, purchased or acquired- it can only be earned. \par \par Respect is mutual, if you don't respect others viewpoints, chances are they won't acknowledge yours. \par \par Revenge has no more quenching effect on emotions, than salt water has on thirst. \par \par Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. \par \par Roses are red \par Violets are blue \par Most poems rhyme \par This one doesn't \par \par \par \par \par Sanctification means being made one with Jesus so that the disposition that ruled Him will rule us. It will cost everything that is not of \par God in us. (Oswald Chambers) \par \par Save time ... see it my way. \par \par Saying remain meaningless until they are embodied in actions. (Kahlil Gibran) \par \par Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. \par \par Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind. (Albert Einstein) \par \par Second place is the first loser. \par \par Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. \par \par Seen on a T shirt in Australia: \par "My wife says that I don't listen \par (and then in smaller print below) \par At least I think that's what she said." \par \par Seen on the back of a biker's vest: \par If you can read this, my wife fell off. \par \par Serve Locally - Pray Globally \par \par Seven days without prayer makes one weak. \par \par Share your smile with everyone, but save your kiss for only one. \par \par She is an expert housekeeper: every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house. \par \par Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. \par They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. \par Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see? \par "Well, I see thousands of stars." \par And what does that mean to you?" \par "Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?" \par "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent." \par \par Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars. (Les Brown) \par \par Show me a man with both feet on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't put on his pants. \par \par Sign at a crematorium: Urn more. Pay less. \par \par Sign at the Pavlov Institute: Knock: Please don't ring bell. \par \par Sign on a church bulletin board: You aren't too bad to come in, You aren't good enough to stay out. \par \par Sign on restaurant window: Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong) \par \par Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted! \par \par Silence is the ultimate weapon of power. (Charles de Gaulle) \par \par Silence is wise if we are foolish, but foolish if we are wise. \par \par Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will. \par \par Since I have smashed my denominational glasses, I have a better vision of who Christ is. \par \par Since thou art not sure of a minute, throw not away an hour. (Benjamin Franklin) \par \par Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special regard to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are \par brought into closer connection with you. (Saint Augustine of Hippo) \par \par Sing like you know the words; dance like no one's watching; and love like it's never going to hurt. \par \par Sit next to a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. Sit on a red-hot stove for a minute, it seems like an hour. That's relativity. (A. \par Einstein) \par \par Skier; one who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them. \par \par Smile! It increases your face value. \par \par Smile.... it makes others wonder what you're thinking. \par \par Snowflakes are some of nature's most fragile things, but just look what happens when they stick together. \par \par So many people will walk in and out of your life, but those who leave foot prints are true friends. \par \par Some cause happiness wherever they go; Others whenever they go. \par \par Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail. \par \par Some have the wisdom of old age and the energy of youth. Most have the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. \par \par Some minds are like concrete... all mixed up and permanently set. \par \par \par \par \par Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible. (Doug Larson) \par \par Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. \par \par Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. \par \par Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. \par \par Some people are bitter, some sour, others are sweet. Who you hang out with depends on your taste. \par \par Some people are wise, and some are otherwise. \par \par Some people grumble because roses have thorns. \par Be thankful instead that thorns have roses. \par \par Some people hate waking up and getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it three or four times a day. \par \par Some people just don't take advice, they have to hit their own head off the wall to believe it will hurt!! \par \par Some people reach the top of the ladder of success only to find it is leaning against the wrong wall. \par \par Some people take too much of vitamin "I". \par \par Some people think holding on makes them strong, sometimes its letting go. \par \par Some persons don't know the difference between thinking for yourself, and thinking of yourself. \par \par Some succeed because they are destined to. But most succeed because they are determined to. \par \par Some things that cost $5 to buy several years ago now costs $10 just to repair. \par \par Sometimes God doesn't tell us His plan because we wouldn't believe it anyway. (Carlton Pearson) \par \par Sometimes I know that there is intelligent life on other planets because they haven't tried to contact us. \par \par Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" \par Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." (Charlie Brown) \par \par Sometimes it costs more to do nothing than to do something. \par \par Sometimes it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. \par \par Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep. \par \par Sometimes life can be as bitter as dragon tears. But whether dragon tears are bitter or sweat depends entirely on how each man \par perceives them. (Chinese proverb) \par \par Sometimes providences, like Hebrew letters, must be read backward. (John Flavel) \par \par Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push. (Joann Thomas) \par \par Sometimes to be headstrong, is to be brain-weak. (Bob Faravoni) \par \par Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known (Carl Sagan) \par \par Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up. \par \par Soul-winning and missions is the life blood of the church. \par \par Space is a dangerous place...especially if it's between your ears! \par \par Sterilize: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. \par \par 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. \par \par Statistics is like a Bikini; what is revealed is suggestive, but what is concealed is vital. \par \par Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can shatter my soul. \par \par Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. \par \par Student: "How long do you want this report to be?" \par Teacher: "I would like you to think of this paper much like a lady's dress - long enough to cover the subject, yet short enough to keep it \par interesting." \par \par Stupidity is NOT a handicap! PARK ELSEWHERE! \par \par Suburbia is where the bulldozers have knocked down all the trees and the planners rename the roads after them. (Anon, US TV) \par \par Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. \par \par Success comes in cans, not can't s. \par \par Success hinges on a passion for excellence. (John F. Kennedy) \par \par Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It's becoming the right person. \par \par Success is a ladder that can not be climbed with your hands in your pockets. \par \par Success is not forever, and failure is not fatal. (Coach Don Scula) \par \par Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You have got to set your self on fire for it. (Anon) \par \par Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives. \par \par Success: its an never ending improvement in what you do. \par \par Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation. \par \par Suffering well borne is better than suffering removed. \par \par \par \par \par Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. \par \par Take care of your character and your reputation will take care of itself. \par \par Doctor: "Take the green pill with a glass of water when you get up. \par Take the blue pill with a glass of water after lunch. \par Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another glass of water." \par Man: "Exactly what's my problem, doc?" \par Doctor: "You're not drinking enough water." \par \par Take time to relax especially when you don't have time for it. (Sydney J Harris) \par \par Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. \par \par Tears will get you sympathy. \par Sweat will get you results. \par \par Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike. \par \par Teenager with nose rings, baggy clothing and spiked hair to a friend: "I don't really like dressing this way, but it keeps my parents from \par dragging me everywhere they go." \par \par Television is the single greatest threat to communication and intimacy within a family. You may as well be fifty miles away from the \par person sitting next to you if you're both watching television. \par \par Television ruins more minds than drugs. \par \par Telling the boss what a good worker you are is worth 1%..showing him is worth 96%. \par \par Telling the truth and making someone cry is just as bad as telling a lie and making someone smile! \par \par Tell me, I'll forget..Show me, I may remember; but involve me, and I'll understand. \par \par Thank God for dirty dishes, they have a tale to tell. \par While others may go hungry, we've eaten very well. \par With home, health & happiness; I shouldn't want to fuss. \par By the stack of evidence. God's been very good to us. \par \par That place is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore. (Yogi Berra) \par \par That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal facility. \par \par That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember. \par \par That which you cannot give away, you don't possess; it possesses you. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000034 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. \par \par The ABC of salvation. \par A - All have sinned. \par B - Behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world \par C - Come to Christ for peace, pardon, and eternal life. \par \par The act of giving is more important than the merit of the receiver. (Glenn Kittler) \par \par The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in. (Yakov Smirnoff) \par \par The attitude within is more important than the circumstances without. \par \par The balding middle-aged man asked his barber, "Why charge me the full price for cutting my hair -- there's so little of it." "Well, "said the \par barber, "actually I make little charge for cutting it. What you're paying for is my searching for it!" \par \par The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. \par The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. \par \par The beloved of the Almighty are the rich who have the humility of the poor, and the poor who have the magnanimity of the rich. (Saadi) \par \par The best bridge between hope and despair is often a good night's sleep. \par \par The best of battles are won on our knees... \par \par The best revenge is a vow to never be like the one who hurt you. \par \par The best things in life aren't things. (Art Buchwald) \par \par The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment. \par \par The best way to have the last word is to apologize. \par \par The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it. \par \par The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid the tempting situation. \par \par The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably generally they are the same people. (G. K. Chesterton) \par \par The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning. \par \par The biggest man you ever did see once was a baby. \par \par The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis. \par \par The burdens of the world on my back lightens the world not one whit, while removing them greatly decreases my specific gravity. \par \par The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. (Rabindranath Tagore) \par \par The cheapest gift I have to give is kindness, and it is the best. (Bob Kerry) \par \par The Chinese word for "crisis" contains two characters. One of them means "opportunity". \par \par The church is looking for better methods. God is looking for better men. \par \par The cold absolute truth is much more preferred than a kind and uncertain lie. (Gabe Suico) \par \par The collapse of character begins with compromise. \par \par The Congress is a strange place where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs. \par \par The contented person is never poor. \par The discontented is never rich. \par \par \par \par \par The definition of virtue: Insufficient temptation. (George Bernard Shaw) \par \par The desire of love is to give. The desire of lust is to get. \par \par "The devil has four chief servants: \par 'There's no danger,' \par 'Only this once,' \par 'Everybody does it,' \par and 'By and by.'" (Sherman A. Nagel) \par \par The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about a week. \par \par The difference between a rebel and a patriot is wether who is in power. \par \par The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. \par \par The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. (Einstein) \par \par The doctor is not able to operate the notable, because he has no table! \par \par The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. \par \par The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on forecasters. \par \par The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to leave this world without ever telling those \par you loved that you love them. \par \par The farther backwards you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see. (Winston Churchill) \par \par The fellow who has no money is poor; the fellow who has nothing but money is poorer still. \par \par The fellow who is fired with enthusiasm for his work is seldom fired by his boss. \par \par The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time. \par \par The first duty of love is to listen. (Tillich) \par \par The first time we kissed, \par I closed my eyes, \par You closed your eyes \par and........ We missed! \par \par The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose. (Hadia Bejar) \par \par The foundation of relationships is based on the premise of mutual purpose. \par \par The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. (Eleanor Roosevelt) \par \par The gap between advice and help is very wide. \par \par The graduate with a Science degree asks: "Why does it work?" \par The graduate with an Engineering degree asks: "How does it work?" \par The graduate with an Accounting degree asks: "How much will it cost?" \par The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks: "Do you want fries with that?" \par \par The greatest actions of love often got unnoticed. \par \par The greatest fool of all is the man who fools himself. \par \par The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own. (Benjamin Disraeli) \par \par The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. \par \par The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot. (Walter Bagehut) \par \par The greatest strength a champion can hold is humility. (Vince Lombardi) \par \par The greatest tragedy is when man gives up what he wants most for what he wants now! \par \par The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist. \par \par The great lie of the news media: "I am the public". \par \par The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. \par \par The heart that loves is always young. (Greek proverb) \par \par The horn of plenty is usually the one behind you in traffic! \par \par The idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. \par \par The insane create worlds, the sane live in them... the sane create cages, the insane live in them. (Kappa Maki) \par \par The Iron Rule: Don't do for others what, given the chance, they wouldn't do for themselves. \par \par The key to happiness is not fixing your problems but changing your attitude towards your problems. \par \par The lesson is what you read in the fine print. The experience is what you get when you don't. \par \par The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick." The \par grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear," she asked. The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb \par the walls if you came to visit us again." \par \par The longer you wait, the better the date. (Myriad Sky) \par \par The Lord loves a cheerful giver. \par He also accepts from a grouch. \par \par The Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math. \par \par \par \par \par The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing - and the main thing is Christ. (Pastor Clay Peck) \par \par The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything. (Edward Phelps) \par \par The mark of a saint is not perfection, but consecration. A saint is not a man without faults, but a man who has given himself without \par reserve to God. (W. T. Richardson) \par \par The math teacher saw that Little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 \par and 44?" \par Johnny quickly replied, . "CBS, NBC, HBO and the Cartoon Network." \par \par The measure of a man is not the number of servants he has, but the number of people he serves. \par \par The memory of bad quality lasts longer than the shock of high prices. \par \par The mind can only stand what the butt can endure. \par \par The mind is like a parachute, it's no good unless it's open! \par \par The mind of a poet begins with an H and ends with a T, listening with an EAR in between. (Lori Herber) \par \par The moral test of any society is how is treats its weakest: children, elderly, sick, needy and handicapped. (Senator Hubert Humphrey) \par \par The more I know the more I know I don't know. \par \par The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war. \par \par The most important thing in the application development is the name. An application will not succeed without a good name. I have \par recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable application. \par \par The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management. (Scott Adams) \par \par The next time the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. \par \par The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from. \par \par The noblest revenge is to forgive. (Thomas Fuller) \par \par The old rule of an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind.(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr) \par \par The one who makes it, sells it. The one who buys it, never uses it. The one that uses it, never knows that he's using it. What is it? \par A coffin. \par \par The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it. \par \par The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. \par \par The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breath.(Rob Kalnitsky) \par \par The only justification for ever looking down on someone is to lift them up. (Jesse Jackson) \par \par The only place you can win a football game is on the field. The only place you can lose it is in your head. (Darrell Royal) \par \par The only routine with me is no routine at all. (Jackie Kennedy) \par \par The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. \par \par The only stupid question is the question you don't ask. \par \par The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary. \par \par The only thing I like about the stones that come in my way is, once I pass across them, they automatically become my milestones! \par \par The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. \par \par The only thing you have to do is breathe; Everything else is just optional. \par \par The only way to be free is to limit yourself. (Jason Benson) \par \par The opinion of the intelligent is better than the certainty of the ignorant. (Egyptian proverb) \par \par The optimist says, "My cup runneth over, what a blessing." The pessimist says, "My cup runneth over, what a mess." \par \par The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. \par The pessimist fears it is true. \par \par The past is history. \par Tomorrow's a mystery. \par Today is a gift. \par That's why we call it the present. \par \par The Pastor said, "Today I've prepared a $10 sermon on fire and brimstone that will take me about an hour and half to deliver, and I've \par prepared a $50 sermon on the evils of sin that will take about 45 minutes to give, and I've got a 10 minute $100 sermon on love and \par generosity. We'll take the collection at this time to see which one y'all vote for." \par \par The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. (Nancy Astor) \par \par The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. \par \par The person who says he trusts no one should include himself. \par \par The pessimist complains about the direction of the wind, the optimist expects the direction to change, but the leader simply adjusts the \par sails! \par \par The people who holler "All power to the people!" want power to be handed to the people who holler "All power to the people!". \par \par The preacher was growing concerned about sparse attendance, so he published this item in the church bulletin: \par This . . . is . . . the . . . way . . . the . . . church . . . sometimes . . . looks . . . to . . . the . . . preacher . . . when . . . he . . . goes . . . into . . \par . the . . . pulpit. \par Itwouldlooklikethisifeverybodybroughtsomebodyelsetochurch. \par \par The price of greatness is responsibility. (Winston Churchill) \par \par The price of liberty is eternal vigilance. (Thomas Jefferson) \par \par The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out \par into a sweat. \par \par The purpose of all prayer is to find God's will and to make that will our prayer. (Catherine Marshall) \par \par The purpose of prayer is not to get answers, things or anything - not even holiness. Valuable though they are, all of those are side effects. \par The purpose of prayer is to get acquainted with God. Anything else is a bonus. (Alfred C. McClure) \par \par The quality of expectations determines the quality of our action. \par \par The quickest way to receive love is to give love; The fastest way to lose love is too hold it too tightly; In addition, the best way to keep \par love is to give it wings. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000035 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par The real act of discovery is not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes. (Marcel Proust) \par \par The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. \par \par The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it. \par \par There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and ONLY 8 who do. \par \par There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers. (Robert Orben) \par \par There are no hopeless situations -- only people who are hopeless about them. (Dinah Shore) \par \par There are no passengers on spaceship Earth- we are all the crew. \par \par There are no strangers in this world, just friends we've never met. \par \par There are no substitutes for fresh air, sunshine and exercise. \par \par There are three dimensions to credit cards, length, width and debt. \par \par There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't. \par \par There are three things extremely hard; steel, a diamond and to know ones self. \par \par There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself; hire someone; or forbid your kids to do it. \par \par There are three ways to obtain wealth: inheritence, luck, and hard work. None is guaranteed, but you have no innfluence over the first \par two. \par \par There are times when forgetting can be just as important as remembering- and even more difficult. \par \par There are too many people praying for mountains of difficulty to be removed, when what they really need is courage to climb them. \par \par There are two types of pain in this life; \par that of discipline, which lasts a short while... \par and that of regret, which can last a life time. \par \par There are two types of people in this world: those who leave a mark, and others who just leave a stain. \par \par There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm. \par \par There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. \par \par There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about. (Ashley Brilliant) \par \par There is always something to be thankful for. If you can't pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.(E.C. \par McKenzie) \par \par There is an "exception to every rule" - and most people think they are it. \par \par There is no future in time travel. \par \par There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. (French proverb) \par \par There is no such thing as government money, only taxpayer money. (William Weld) \par \par There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it with reluctance. \par \par There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it. \par \par There is nothing wrong with people possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess people. ( Billy Graham) \par \par There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle. (Robert Alden) \par \par There is only one real failure in life that is possible, and that is not to be true to the best we know. (Frederick Farrar) \par \par There is only on thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience. (Archibald McLeish) \par \par There is some consolation in the fact that even if your dreams haven't come true- neither have your nightmares. \par \par There is so much bad in the best of us and so much good in the worst of us that it doesn't behoove any of us to talk about the rest of us. \par \par There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest. (Elie Wiesel) \par \par There was a break at the prison yesterday. An ex-fortune teller, described as being short with dark hair, broke out of prison. The public \par is advised to be on the lookout for a small medium at large. \par \par There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "when she came \par crawling to me on her hands and knees." \par "What did she say?" asked the friend. The husband replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'" \par \par \par \par \par The richest person in the world is not the one who still has the first dollar they ever earned. It's the person who still has their first friend. \par (Martha Mason 1864 - 1949) \par \par The safest way to cross life's streets is to hold hands. \par \par The same sun that melts butter hardens clay. (Donald Meyer) \par \par The secret of true greatness is simplicity. \par \par The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. (Albert Einstein) \par \par The ship is safer in the harbor, but it is not meant for that. \par \par The shortest books: \par 1) A Guide to Arab Democracies \par 2) Everything Men Know About Women \par 3) The Amish Phone Book \par \par The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. \par \par The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease..sometimes it gets replaced. \par \par The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. (Confucius) \par \par The sum of human knowledge is not contained in any one language. \par \par The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted. \par "My Mummy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!" \par \par The teacher smiled at her Sunday school group and exclaimed, "All right, class, all those who want to go to Heaven raise your hands." \par Everybody in the class had a hand raised, except one boy. "Don't you want to go to Heaven?" asked the teacher. "I can't ma'am. My \par mom wants me to come straight home." \par \par The tip you leave now for lunch would have bought you one twenty years ago. \par \par The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. (Benjamin Mays) \par \par The tragedy of life is what dies in the hearts and souls of people while they live. (Albert Einstein) \par \par The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. \par \par The truth will set you free...but first, it will make you miserable. \par \par The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. \par \par The trouble with man is two-fold; he cannot learn truths which are too complicated.. he forgets truths which are too simple. \par \par The trouble with work is - it's so daily. \par \par The truth is like ice water, it shocks you when it hits you, but no one's ever died from it. \par \par The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge \par and controversy. (Martin Luther King Jr.) \par \par \par \par \par The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. (Dolly Parton) \par \par The way to make the cold winter go fast is to sign a note in October that becomes due in six months. \par \par The way you see people is the way you treat them. \par And the way you treat them is what they become. (Johann W. Von Goeth) \par \par The weak can never Forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the Strong. (Mahatma Gandhi) \par \par The weakest Christians are those who know that they need to pray . . . and yet don't pray. (Daniel O. C.) \par \par The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion. (Arab proverb) \par \par The whole being of any Christian is faith and love. \par Faith brings the man to God, love brings him to men. (Martin Luther) \par \par The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital. \par \par The woods are always empty if you're a poor hunter. \par \par The wonder of a single snowflake outweighs the wisdom of a million meteorologists. \par \par The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent. \par \par The Word of God will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from the Word of God. \par \par The world is a great big book, of which those who never travel read only one page. (Augustine) \par \par The world is composed of givers and takers..the takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. \par \par The world is full of willing people. Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. (Robert Frost) \par \par The world is like a beehive: We all enter by the same door but we live in different cells. \par \par The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it. \par \par The world was not given to us by our parents, it was lent to us by our children! \par \par The world would run a lot smoother if more men knew how to dance. \par \par They are happiest who have power to gather wisdom from a flower. (Mary Howitt) \par \par They have all sorts of new services today. Now they've got a dial-a-prayer service for atheists. You call a number and nobody answers. \par \par The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. \par \par They say you can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. I say if they've got itsy-bitsy feet or some kind of foot \par disease, I don't wanna know 'em! \par \par The zoo is a place for animals to study the behavior of human beings. \par \par Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. (Goethe) \par \par Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason so few engage in it. (Henry Ford) \par \par Those we hurt the most are often those we love the most. \par \par Those who admire the freedom of birds have never built a nest. \par \par Those who are at war with others are seldom at peace with themselves. \par \par Those who do not plan for the future have to live through it anyway. \par \par Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be taught that sorrows know how to swim. \par \par Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. \par \par Those who say it can't be done are usually interrupted by others doing it. \par \par Those with the best advice usually offer no advice. \par \par Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. (Carl Bard) \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000036 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Time is a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician. \par \par Time is like money: you can either spend, waste, or invest! \par \par Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students! \par \par To accomplish something, the first person you have to defeat is yourself. \par \par To belittle is to be little. \par \par To be or not to be... I think its a trick question. \par \par Today's beautiful moments are tomorrow's beautiful memories. \par \par To do is to be -- Marx. Do be do be do -- Sinatra. \par \par To do two things at once is to do neither. \par \par To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are. (Sholem Asch) \par \par To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human. \par \par To every complex problem there is an easy answer; and it is wrong! \par \par To find the person you can truly trust, look no further than the nearest mirror. \par \par To foretell the destiny of a nation, one has to open the book of her past. (Dr. Jose P. Rizal) \par \par To forgive calls upon our love-- to forget calls upon our strength. \par \par To get profit without risk, experience without danger, and reward without work is as impossible as it is to live without being born. (A.P. \par Gouthey) \par \par To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don't care, and the other half don't know. \par \par To let a fool kiss you is stupid. \par To let a kiss fool you is worse. \par \par To light a candle is to cast a shadow. \par \par To live your life to the fullest, you've got to be a master of economics...after all, time's demand is always far exceeding it's supply. (Andy \par McIntosh) \par \par To love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next best. \par \par To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten. (Garborg) \par \par To love for the sake of being loved is human; to love for the sake of loving is angelic. \par \par To love is to risk getting hurt. Not to risk loving is the greatest risk of all. \par \par To realize the value of ONE YEAR \par Ask a student who has failed his final exam. \par To realize the value of ONE MONTH \par Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby. \par To realize the value of ONE WEEK \par Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. \par To realize the value of ONE DAY \par Ask a daily wage laborer who has ten kids to feed. \par To realize the value of ONE HOUR \par Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet or . . . \par To realize the value of ONE MINUTE \par Ask a person who has missed the train. \par To realize the value of ONE SECOND \par Ask a person who has survived an accident. \par To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND \par Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics. \par Treasure every moment that you have! \par And treasure it more because you \par Share it with someone special . . . special enough to have your time. . . \par \par To reform a man, you must begin with his grandmother. (Victor Hugo) \par \par To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. \par \par To say that a man can not love one woman at a time is ridiculous. It is like saying a musician needs more than one violin to play the same \par piece of music. \par \par To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. \par \par To think too long about doing a thing, often becomes its undoing. \par \par Tough times gets you real friends and others get you tough times. \par \par Traveler there is no trail you blaze the trail as you travel. (Xochitl Garza) \par \par Treat anger like gold. Spend it wisely or not at all. (Grandfather) \par \par Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are nice, but because you are. \par \par Treat people like angels; you will meet some and help make some. \par \par Triumph is "umph" added to try. \par \par True happiness may be sought, thought, or caught -- but never bought. \par \par True power is when what you say is only the tip of the iceberg of what you really know. \par \par Trust but verify. (Russian proverb) \par \par Trust in God, but tie your camel. (old Moslem proverb) \par \par Trust is like money; you spend it, you save it, you lend it, and sometimes you get robbed. \par \par Truth is the most powerful force on earth because it cannot be changed. (Mike Murdock) \par \par Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. (Shana Alexander) \par \par T-shirt: My heart belongs to Daddy. . .and so do my credit cards! \par \par Two brothers were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?" \par And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit." \par \par Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and ... \par \par Two men went into a diner and sat down at the counter. They ordered two sodas, took sandwiches out of their packs and started to eat \par them. The owner saw what was going on and approached the men. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," he complained. The \par two men stopped, looked at each other, and then swapped their sandwiches. \par \par Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know. \par \par Two things are sure in life: There is a God, and you are not him. \par \par Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. \par \par Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane. \par \par Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. (Maori proverb) \par \par \par \par \par Ulcers are caused not so much by what we eat as what's eating us. \par \par Ulcers are something you get from mountain climbing over molehills. \par \par Units of prayer combined, like drops of water, make an ocean which defies resistance. (E. M. Bounds) \par \par Use what talents you possess; The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. \par \par Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer. \par \par Veni, Vedi, Visa: \par I Came. I Saw. I Did a Little Shopping. \par \par Victory begins with the name of Jesus on our lips, but it will not be consummated until the nature of Jesus is in our hearts. \par \par Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Never let your morals stop you from doing what is right. (Isaac Asimov) \par \par Vision is not seeing things as they are, but as they will be. \par \par Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. (Japanese proverb) \par \par Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them. \par \par War never decides who is right, only who is left. \par \par Watch your thoughts; they become words. \par Watch your words; they become actions. \par Watch your actions; they become habits. \par Watch your habits; they become character. \par Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny!!! \par \par We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads. (Vlade Divac) \par \par Wealth buys leisure, but not wisdom. \par \par We are, each of us, angles with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other. (Luciano DeCrescenzo) \par \par We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can do. (Oswald Chambers) \par \par We blame fate for other accidents, but we feel personally responsible when we make a hole in one. \par \par We buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't know. (Dr. Larry Lea) \par \par We can admire what we see, but we can only love what we truly know. \par \par We can be knowledgeable with other men's knowledge, but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom. (Michel de Montaigne) \par \par We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys. \par \par We can't control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails. \par \par We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. \par \par We could accomplish a lot more if we'd get rid of our ifs and and's; and get off our butts. \par \par We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. \par \par We crucify ourselves between two thieves- regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow. \par \par We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. \par \par We don't want a thing because we have found a reason for it- we find a reason for it because we want it. \par \par We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. \par Now,thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. (University of Cambridge Professor Robert Silensky) \par \par We have a strange and wonderful relationship: He's strange and I'm wonderful. (Mike Ditka, on Jim McMahon) \par \par We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children. (Ancient Proverb) \par \par We have stopped being fishers of men and we are now the keepers of the aquarium. \par \par We judge others by their actions; we judge ourselves by our intentions. \par \par We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. \par \par Well done is better than well said. (Benjamin Franklin) \par \par We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next-door neighbor. (G. K. Chesterton) \par \par We may not be what we want to be, but thank God we are not what we used to be. (Tim Storey) \par \par We must hang together, gentlemen...else, we shall most assuredly hang separately. (Benjamin Franklin, 1776) \par \par We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools. \par \par We need no wings to go in search of Him, but have only to find a place where we can be alone. (St Teresa of Avila) \par \par We never know the worth of water till the well is dry. (French proverb) \par \par We occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry on as if nothing happened. \par \par We often fear being rejected so very much that we reject ourselves first before anyone else has the chance. \par \par We often see further through a tear, than through a telescope. \par \par We only grow when we step outside our comfort zone. \par \par We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean, but the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. (Mother \par Teresa) \par \par We see things not as they are, but as we are. \par \par We should keep so close to the facts that we never have to remember the second time what we said the first time. (F. Marion Smith) \par \par We shouldn't deny the pain of what happens in our lives. We should just refuse to focus only on the valleys. (Charles Swindoll) \par \par We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, have been asked to do so much with so little for so long that we are now capable of doing \par anything with nothing. \par \par We treat this world of ours as though we had a spare in the trunk. \par \par We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000037 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm! \par \par What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters. You can't reread a phone call. (Liz Carpenter) \par \par Whatever you do, or dream, begin it now.. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now. (Goethe) \par \par What flowers grow between your nose and your chin? .... Tulips. \par \par "What, giving again?" I asked in dismay. \par "And must I keep giving and giving away?" \par "Oh, no," said the angel, piercing me through, \par "Just give till the Father stops giving to you." \par \par What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. \par \par What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient. \par \par What is the difference between a Peeping Tom and someone who's just got out of the bath? \par One is rude and nosy, and the other's nude and rosy. \par \par What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? \par Never lick the spoon. \par \par What lies behind ourselves and what lies ahead of ourselves are small matters compared to what lies within ourselves. (Ralph Waldo \par Emerson) \par \par What now is proved was once only imagined. (William Blake) \par \par What passes as a womans intuition, is usually nothing more than a mans transparency. \par \par What really matters is what happens in us- not to us. \par \par What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul. \par \par What some people mistake for the high cost of living, is really the cost of living high. \par \par What sunshine is to flowers...smiles are to humanity. \par \par What the caterpillar calls the end, the butterfly calls the beginning. \par \par What we see is mainly what we look for. \par \par What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God. \par \par What you do when you don't have to do it will determine what you are when it's too late to do anything about it! \par \par What you possess in the world will be found at the day of your death to belong to someone else. But what you are will be yours forever. \par \par When a bishop visited one of his remoter parishes, he was surprised to find only five people in the congregation. He said to the vicar \par "Did you tell the people I was coming?." The vicar replied "No, but Heaven help the person who did!" \par \par When an old man dies, a library burns down. (African proverb) \par \par When a person wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince them. \par \par When confronted with a Goliath-sized problem, which way do you respond: \par "He's too big to hit" or like David, "He's to big to miss"? \par \par When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. \par When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed. (Alisha Everett) \par \par Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. (A. Lincoln) \par \par When everything seems to be going against you, remember the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. (Henry Ford) \par \par When God allows a burden to be put upon you, He will put His arms underneath you to help you carry it. \par \par When God closes a door He opens a window. \par \par When God measures a person, he measures around the heart instead of the head. \par \par When in doubt, tell the truth. (Mark Twain) \par \par When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't. (William Temple) \par \par When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used \par everything You gave me." (Erma Bombeck) \par \par When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be \par twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. (Mark Twain) \par \par When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine \par says I'm four." \par \par When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and \par headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used \par to drive you crazy with water guns?" \par Mom smiled and then replied . . . "I remember." \par \par When no one is watching, live as if someone is. \par \par When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has \par been opened for us. (Helen Keller) \par \par When placed in God's hands, life is like a chocolate cake: Take something bitter, something dry, something wet, and a little bit of leaven, \par mix well, and let it bake someplace hot. The result is something sweet. \par \par When Satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. \par \par When signing a contract, it helps to remember "the big-type gives, and the small-type takes away". \par \par When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. \par \par When someone says, "do you want my opinion"?- it's always a negative one. \par \par When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. \par \par When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. \par \par When the devil starts messing, God starts blessing. (R.W. Schambach) \par \par When the going gets tough, the tough get going. \par \par When the going still gets tough, the tough, pray. \par \par When the mouth stumbles, it is worse than the foot. (West African Proverb) \par \par When there's a will, there's a way..when there's a won't, there isn't. \par \par When the tide of life turns against you, and the current upsets your boat. \par Don't waste time on what might have been, just lie on your back and float. \par \par When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them \par stuffed with explosions. \par \par When things go wrong as they sometimes will, \par When the road your trudging seems all uphill, \par When the funds are low and the debts are high, \par And you want to smile but you have to sigh, \par When care is pressing you down a bit \par Rest if you must, but don't you quit. \par Success is failure turned inside out, \par The silver tint on the clouds of doubt, \par And you can never tell hoe close you are, \par It may be near when it seems afar. \par So, stick to the fight when your hardest hit \par It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit. \par \par When we die we leave behind us all that we have and take with us all that we are. \par \par When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves. (William Arthur Ward) \par \par When you aim for perfection you discover it is a moving target. \par \par When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing. \par \par When you are born you are crying and everyone around you is smiling. \par Live your life so that when you die you are smiling and everyone around you is crying. \par \par When you are standing on the edge of a cliff a step forward is not progress. (Grandfather) \par \par When you can't trace God's hand, trust His heart. \par \par When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. \par \par When you forgive it takes you from the place of the victim to that of a victor. \par \par When you hear a kind word spoken about a friend, tell her so. \par \par When you lose, don't lose the lesson. \par \par When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. \par \par When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die the world cries and you \par rejoice. (Old Indian Saying) \par \par Where there are love and generosity, there is joy. \par Where there are sincerity and sacrifice, there is friendship. \par Where there are harmony and simplicity, there is beauty. \par Where there are prayer and forgiveness, there is peace. \par Where there are moderation and patience, there is wisdom. \par Where there are conflicts and crises, there is opportunity. \par Where there are wonder and adventure, there is growth. \par Where there are adoration and confession, there is worship. \par Where there are compassion and concern, there is God. \par Where there are faith and hope, there is spring. \par (Larry Reed) \par \par Wherever you are - be all there. (Jim Elliot) \par \par Where God guides, He provides. \par \par Where there are friends; there is wealth. (Titus Maccius Plautus 250-184 BC) \par \par Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. (Oliver Wendell Holmes) \par \par Where will you be sitting in eternity--smoking or non-smoking? \par \par Where you're going is more important then where you stand. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000038 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Which dreams indeed are ambition, for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream. (William Shakespeare, \par Hamlet) \par \par Which Eternity do you prefer? Smoking or Non-Smoking. \par \par Whoever follows a crowd will never be followed by a crowd. \par \par Who gossips to you will gossip of you. (Turkish proverb) \par \par Who got it, did get it; and who left it, did regret it. (Algerian proverb) \par \par Who says nothing is impossible, I have been doing nothing for years. \par \par Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one. (Japanese Proverb.) \par \par Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." \par Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." \par Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." \par Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" \par Wife: "In the pool." \par \par Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything \par \par Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat. \par \par Win with humility; lose with grace. \par \par Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald. (Irish proverb) \par \par Wisdom whispers - foolishness shouts. \par \par Without risk there is no opportunity for gain. \par \par With prayer as with other gifts from God, it is not what you get that counts, it's what you do with it. \par \par Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. \par HIM: "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." \par HER: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." \par HIM: "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." \par HER: "Well, the air bag works." \par \par Women's faults are many, men have just two! \par Everything they say and everything they do!!! \par \par Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. (Corrie Ten Boom) \par \par Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you many never owe. \par \par Write injuries in the sand, kindnesses in marble. \par \par \par \par \par Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. \par Tomorrow is a promised note. \par Today is ready cash, use it! \par \par Yesterday is history, \par tomorrow is a mystery, \par today is a gift of God, \par which is why we call it the present. (Bill Keane) \par \par You always find something in the last place you look. \par \par You are getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. \par \par You are what you think about all day long. (Dr. Robert Schuller) \par \par You are young only once, but you can be immature all your life. \par \par You better think about the future, for it's where you will spend the rest of your life. \par \par You can blow out a candle, \par but you can't blow out a fire, \par once the flame begins to catch, \par the wind will blow it higher. (Peter Gabriel) \par \par You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. \par \par You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind. \par \par You can never understand the true value of something until you don't have it anymore. \par \par You can send a message around the world in 1/7 of a second; yet it may take several years to move a simple idea through a 1/4 inch of \par human skull. \par \par You can survive on charm for about 5 minutes...after that, you'd better know something! \par \par You can't be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. \par \par You can't build character & courage by taking away men's initiative & independence. \par \par You can't do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) \par \par You can't do anything, if you believe you can't. \par \par You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him. (Leo Aikman) \par \par You can't get to the top by sitting on your bottom. \par \par You can't help the poor man by destroying the rich. \par \par You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. \par \par You can't test courage cautiously. \par \par You can't train a horse with shouts, and expect it to obey a whisper. \par \par You can win more friends with your ears than you can with your mouth! \par \par you could hit someone over the head with a hammer and they would say, "gee, thanks, it feels so much better now that you stopped"... \par Their glass is a keg, and over flowing with the values of true life. If we all acted a little bit more like him, the world would truely be a \par better place. (Peter Walstrom) \par \par You could better start giving me mouth to mouth, because you just took my breath away! \par \par You did touch me but didn't feel my pain. \par Jesus came and touched me and I don't feel the pain any more. \par \par You don't become a missionary by crossing the sea but by seeing the cross. \par \par You don't have to blow out anothers candle to make yours shine bright. \par \par You don't look at a picture of a Chevy when you drive a Cadillac. \par \par You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her \par \par You don't marry someone you can live with; you marry the person with whom you cannot live without. \par \par You either have to be first, best, or different. (Loretta Lynn) \par \par You have to protect the privacy of the advice you get, or you'll never get the advice you need. (Richard Nixon) \par \par You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. (P. \par J. O-Rourke) \par \par You may be born with a silver spoon in your mouth, but you need gold-hearted people to make your life more tasty. \par \par You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down. (Mary \par Pickford) \par \par You may only be one person in the world, but to one person you may be the world. \par \par You may pass violets looking for roses and contentment looking for victory. \par \par You must be the change you wish to see in the world. (Gandhi) \par \par You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day! \par \par You must have long range goals to keep you from being frustrated by short range failures. (Charles Noble) \par \par You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view. \par \par You only have one chance to make a first impression. \par \par You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him. (Teresa of Avila) \par \par Your actions speak so loud that I can't hear what you're saying. \par \par Your attitude is the librarian of your past, the speaker of your present, and the prophet of your future! \par \par Your brain is that bodily organ which starts working the moment you awake and does not stop until you get into the office. \par \par Your child has started growing up when he stops asking you where he came from and starts refusing to tell you where he's going. \par \par You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. \par \par You're in middle age when you realize you have more on your mind and less on your head. \par \par Your morality can keep you out of jail, \par but only the Blood of Jesus Christ, can keep you of hell! \par \par Your neighbor is the man who needs you. \par \par Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. (Leo Buscaglia) \par \par Your temper is the only thing you can lose and still have. \par \par Your thoughts can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak. \par \par Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are \par beyond the need of God's grace. (Jerry Bridges) \par \par Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment. (Karen Crockett) \par \par You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat. \par Now give to us, O saving Lord, the bread of life to eat. \par \par You should not confuse your career with your life. \par \par Youth is when we are always hunting greener pastures, and middle age is when we can barely mow the one we've got. \par \par You've reached middle age when the phone rings on Saturday night, you pray it isn't for you. \par \par You will come across hope and despair in almost every situation. Only one of them wins each time. \par \par You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated. (Maya Angelou) \par \par You will never be promoted until you become over-qualified for your present position. \par \par You will never "win" an argument concerning religion. \par \par You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they do. \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000039 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation. \par \par According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist. \par \par A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. \par \par A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken. \par \par Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. \par \par Air conditioned environment - Do NOT open Windows! \par \par All computers wait at the same speed. \par \par All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? \par Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken! \par \par All you need to know is the user interface. \par \par Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work." \par \par Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used. \par \par Any program that runs right is obsolete. \par \par A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom. \par \par A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. \par \par \par \par \par A program is never finished until the programmer dies. \par \par ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! \par \par As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. \par \par A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user. \par \par A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice. \par \par Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic \par \par Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]? \par \par Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. \par \par Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression \par \par Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work." \par \par BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding \par \par Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature. \par \par Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it. \par \par Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster. \par \par Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version. \par \par \par \par \par COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key. \par \par Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source. \par \par Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want." \par \par Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying. \par \par Computer programmers do it byte by byte. \par \par Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit. \par \par Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them. \par \par Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows. \par \par Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. \par \par Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. \par \par Computers can never replace human stupidity. \par \par Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow. \par \par Computers follow your orders, not your intentions. \par \par Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. \par \par Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly. \par \par \par \par \par Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean? \par \par Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors. \par \par Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. \par \par Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own. \par \par Don't document the program; program the document. \par \par Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts. \par \par Don't let the computer bugs bite! \par \par DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something! \par \par DOS Tip #1: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS \par \par DOS Tip #2: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS \par \par Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. \par \par Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... \par \par Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. \par \par Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) \par \par Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I... \par \par \par \par \par Every bug you find is the last one. \par \par Every time I type 'win', I loose ... \par \par Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. \par \par Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software. \par \par .....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) \par \par For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem. \par \par Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. \par \par Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me! \par \par Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95.... \par \par Hit any user to continue. \par \par Home is where the computer is plugged in. \par \par How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file... \par \par I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator. \par \par If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0. \par \par If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station? \par \par \par \par \par I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast. \par \par If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million \par miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. \par \par If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax? \par \par If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button. \par \par I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free. \par \par I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere. \par \par I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! \par \par I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. \par \par In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it. \par \par Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking. \par \par It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one. \par \par It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit. \par \par It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature. \par \par It works! Now if only I could remember what I did... \par \par I wish life has a scroll back buffer. \par \par \par \par \par Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer. \par \par Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue. \par \par MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs. \par \par Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed... \par \par Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x] \par \par Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]? \par \par MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers. \par \par Mommy! The cursor's winking at me! \par \par My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. \par \par Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!" \par \par No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier. \par \par Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine? \par \par One person's error is another person's data. \par \par One picture is worth 128K words. \par \par Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am. \par \par \par \par \par Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered! \par \par Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! \par \par Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... \par \par Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue.... \par \par Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN. \par \par Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time. \par \par RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure. \par \par Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg. \par \par Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months \par from it. \par \par Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte! \par \par Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) \par \par Speed Kills! Use Windows 95. \par \par System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing. \par \par Tandy - you can buy better, but you can't pay more. \par \par The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. \par \par \par \par \par The name is Baud......, James Baud. \par \par The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong. \par \par The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'. \par \par The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. \par \par There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday. \par \par There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. \par \par There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program. \par \par There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple. \par \par These settings will have no effect until you restart the system. \par Reset Universe (Y/N) ? \par \par Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK! \par \par To be, or not to be, those are the parameters. \par \par To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. \par \par User error: replace user and press any key to continue. \par \par Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue. \par \par \par \par \par What boots up must come down. \par \par Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk? \par \par Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" \par \par Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right? \par \par Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? \par \par Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? \par \par Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance? \par \par Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something. \par \par WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System. \par \par Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology. \par \par You are making progress if each mistake is a new one. \par \par You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer. \par \par You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version. \par \par You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it! \par \par You never finish a program, you just stop working on it. \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000040 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com/ \par \par \par Sometimes I wonder.......... \par \par \par With thanks to: \par \par Shanaaz \par Wemdy \par Andrew Boggess \par R.J.King \par Sheetal \par Bullfloat \par SmileMaker \par Scott McElheney \par Gene Margolis \par Chris Coelho \par \par \par If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? \par \par Why is it new and improved? If it's new how can it be an improvement of something and if it's improved how can it be \par something new? \par \par Why does a coach tell the team to "play to win"? \par Why else do you play? \par \par Why do the sick people have to walk all the way to the back of the pharmacy for medicine when cigarettes can be purchased \par at the front door? \par \par What do birdies see when they faint? \par \par Who puts the thin ice sign in the middle of the thin ice? \par \par Do burn victims get discounts at crematoriums? \par \par If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? \par \par Can it be a mistake that "desserts" gives "stressed" spelled backwards? \par \par Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? \par \par Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? \par \par Why can my seat be used as a floatation device when I would feel much safer if it could be used as a parachute? \par \par If something can be infinite, then what is infinity plus one? \par \par If drinking and driving are illigal, why do bottle openers come on keychains? \par \par I have lived through the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. Am I now about to live through the noughties? \par \par \par \par \par All the other questions, not new, but still without an answer .... \par \par Adam and Eve were the first people on earth............Did they have belly buttons? \par \par A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy? \par \par Are unripened oranges called greens? \par \par A wise old owl sat on an oak, \par The more he saw the less he spoke; \par The less he spoke the more he heard; \par Why aren't we like that wise old bird? \par (Edward H. Richards) \par \par Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? \par \par Could your eyes be called an academy, because there are pupils there? \par \par Crime doesn't pay. . .does that mean that my job is a crime? \par \par Did Noah include termites on the ark? \par \par Did you ever feel that you were a typewriter, while everyone else in the world was a wordprocessor? \par \par Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? \par \par Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell? \par \par Do fish get thirsty? \par \par Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? \par \par Do penguins have knees? \par \par Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? \par \par Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me? \par \par Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? \par \par Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? \par \par How can one TV station have the "exclusive" accurate weather? Did they "storm" in and scoop the others? \par \par How come wrong numbers are never busy? \par \par How could I have been doing 70 miles an hour when I've only been driving for 10 minutes? \par \par How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? \par \par How is it that a building burns up as it burns down? \par \par If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? \par \par If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? \par \par If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation? \par \par If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky? (S. J. Lec) \par \par If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked? \par \par If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian? \par \par If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? \par \par If corn oil comes from corn....where does baby oil come from? (Richard Lederer) \par \par If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? \par \par If helium existed in a solid form, and you ate it would you get heavier or lighter? \par \par If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them? \par \par If nothing sticks to Teflon how do they stick Teflon to the pan? \par \par If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? (Richard Lederer) \par \par If someone were to pay you ten cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect five cents for every unkind word, would you \par be rich or poor? \par \par If stores claim to be open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, why do they have locks on the doors? \par \par If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? \par \par If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent? \par \par If there's so much labor-saving machinery, why don't I have more free time? \par \par If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space? \par \par If the world is spinning so quickly why don't we all get dizzy? \par \par If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of? \par \par If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday? \par \par If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? \par \par If we weren't meant to keep starting over, would God have granted us monday? \par \par If you learn from your mistakes, then why ain't I a genius? \par \par If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? \par \par If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet? (Robin Alumbaugh) \par \par If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record? \par \par If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why \par are your waiting? (Stephen Levine) \par \par I'm in shape. Round is a shape, isn't it? \par \par I never spit in your drink; why do you smoke in my air? \par \par I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this? the dog? \par \par Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? \par \par Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? \par \par Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be? \par \par I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges? \par \par I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and never his prescription? (Finley Peter Dunne 1867-1936) \par \par The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other \par way." \par \par What does an atheist do when he drives up behind a car with a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker and that car doesn't move \par when the traffic light turns green? \par \par What do they use to ship styrofoam? \par \par What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? \par \par What exactly is "Unsweetened" iced Tea? Did they take the sugar back out? (W. Lanza) \par \par What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? \par \par What is listed as the hair color on a drivers license of a bald headed man? \par \par What would the world be like without hypothetical situations? \par \par When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? \par \par When your parents get finished spanking you they say " you better dry it up or I'll give you something to cry for." What do they think \par that a whipping is. \par \par Where does the white go when the snow melts? \par \par Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? \par \par Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? \par \par Why are wise men and wise guys the exact opposites? \par \par Why call it a building if it's already been built? \par \par Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything? \par \par Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? \par \par Why doesn't the fellow who says "I'm no speechmaker" let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? (Kin Hubbard) \par \par Why does Queen Elizabeth, who has people to put on her make-up, do her hair, and needs no cash or identification carry a purse? \par \par Why does the sun on the Raisan Bran cereal box wear sunglasses? \par \par Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? \par \par Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom? \par \par Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? \par \par Why do the hours at work drag on endlessly when the years seem to fly past? \par \par Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together? \par \par Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? \par \par Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up? \par \par Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? (Richard Lederer) \par \par Why do we look in our handkerchiefs after blowing our nose? \par \par Why do we say there is nothing on TV tonight when there obviously is something on? \par \par Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? \par \par Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? \par \par Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? \par \par Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? \par \par Why is it that the uneducated minds always criticize the brilliant minds? (Kelly Nelson) \par \par Why is it that when one man kills another, he is hanged as a murderer, but when one man kills millions, he is hailed as a conqueror? \par \par Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? \par \par Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? \par \par Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? (Richard Lederer) \par \par Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? \par \par Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? \par \par Why is the practice called "fasting" when time passes so slowly when you're doing it? \par \par Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business", always be followed by, but? \par \par Would a fly without wings be called a walk? \par \par Wouldn't it be strange if the God who made His people free and happy should then give them commands that enslaved them again? \par Doesn't it seem more likely that what He gave them were rules for remaining free and happy? (Mark Finley) \par \par You can't have everything...where would you put it? \par \par You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000045 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss Arial;}{\f1\fswiss Tahoma;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs18 Source: http://www.bemorecreative.com\cf0\f1\fs16 \par \par \par All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. \par \par Be careful when reading health books; you may die of a misprint. \par \par If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. \par \par The man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. \par \par The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter -- 'tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning. \par \par A classic --something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. \par \par Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. \par \par By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean. \par \par Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him. \par \par Get you facts first, and then you can distort 'em as much as you please. \par \par George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. \par \par It is not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that make horseraces. \par \par Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity -- these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed. \par \par It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. \par \par Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest. \par \par Never learn to do anything; if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you. \par \par Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. \par \par Name the greatest of all the inventors. Accident. \par \par Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose application of the word. Consider the flea! -- incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. \par \par The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. \par \par We have no permanent brains until we are forty. Then they begin to harden, presently they petrify, then business begins. Since forty I have been regular about going to bed and getting up -- and that is one of the main things. \par \par The art of prophecy is very difficult, especially with respect to the future. \par \par We write frankly and freely but then we "modify'' before we print. \par \par Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town? \par \par It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been still more wonderful to miss it. \par \par You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. \par \par Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. \par \par Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. \par \par Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too can become great. \par \par The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot. \par \par Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their marriage were not perceived to have any relationship. \par \par In the weltering hell of the Moorooroo plain \par The Yatala Wangary withers and dies, \par And the Worrow Wanilla, demented with pain, \par To the Woolgoolga woodlands \par Despairingly flies. \par \par Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. \par \par There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure. \par \par India has 2,000,000 gods, and worships them all. In religion other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. \par \par An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before. \par \par She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. \par \par Only kings, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial "we." \par \par Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething. \par \par There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. \par \par Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. \par \par Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. \par \par Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. \par \par Put all your eggs in the one basket and -- Watch That Basket. \par \par What, then, is the true Gospel of consistency? Change. Who is the really consistent man? The man who changes. Since change is the law of his being, he cannot be consistent if he stick in a rut. \par \par There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me -- I always feel that they have not said enough. \par \par A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. \par \par An ecstasy is a thing that will not go into words; it feels like music. \par \par War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull. \par \par If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. \par \par Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear. \par \par France has neither winter nor summer nor morals -- apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. \par \par Take your mind out every now and then and dance on it. It is getting all caked up. \par \par What is there that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man's breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery! To know that you are walking where none others have walked . . . \par \par As a rule we develop a borrowed European idea forward, and. . . Europe develops a borrowed American idea backwards. \par \par It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. \par \par The very ink in which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. \par \par Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. \par \par Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. \par \par Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered -- either by themselves or by others. \par \par Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment. \par \par Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. \par \par \cf2\f2\fs24 \par } End 3000044 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss Arial;}{\f1\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs18 Source: http://www.bemorecreative.com\cf0\f1\fs16 \par \par A careful physician . . ., before he attempts to administer a remedy to his patient, must investigate not only the malady of the man he wishes to cure, but also his habits when in health, and his physical constitution. \par \par I prefer tongue-tied knowledge to ignorant loquacity. \par \par Before beginning, plan carefully. \par \par Brevity is the best recommendation of speech, whether in a senator or an orator. \par \par As fire when thrown into water is cooled down and put out, so also a false accusation when brought against a man of the purest and holiest character, boils over and is at once dissipated . . . \par \par If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need. \par \par I am not ashamed to confess I am ignorant of what I do not know. \par \par Confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself. \par \par Great is our admiration of the orator who speaks with fluency and discretion. \par \par I never admire another's fortune so much that I became dissatisfied with my own. \par \par \par The eyes like sentinel occupy the highest place in the body. \par \par A man of courage is also full of faith. \par \par In everything truth surpasses the imitation and copy. \par \par He cannot be strict in judging, who does not wish others to be strict judges of himself. \par \par Every stage of human life, except the last, is marked out by certain and defined limits; old age alone has no precise and determinate boundary. \par \par I add this, that rational ability without education has oftener raised man to glory and virtue, than education without natural ability. \par \par He does not seem to me to be a free man who does not sometimes do nothing. \par \par If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it. \par \par A good orator is pointed and impassioned. \par \par Glory follows virtue as if it were its shadow. \par \par \cf2\f2\fs24 \par } End 3000043 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss Arial;}{\f1\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs18 Source: http://www.bemorecreative.com\cf0\f1\fs16 \par \par \par The brain is wider than the sky; \par For put them side by side \par The one the other will contain with ease - \par And you beside. \par \par To make a prairie \par It takes clover and one bee \par One clover, and a bee, and revery. \par The revery alone will do, \par If bees are few. \par \par A word is dead when it is said, some say. \par I say it just begins to live that day. \par \par Nature is what we know - \par Yet have not art to say - \par So impotent our wisdom is \par To her simplicity. \par \par How dreary to be somebody! \par How public, like a frog \par To tell your name the livelong day \par To an admiring bog. \par \par \par Beauty is not caused. It is. \par \par "Hope" is the thing with feathers -- \par That perches in the soul -- \par And sings the tunes without the words -- \par And never stops --at all --. \par \par "Faith" is a fine invention \par When Gentleman can see -- \par But Microscopes are prudent \par In an Emergency \par \par 'Tis so much joy! 'Tis so much joy! If I should fail, what poverty! And yet, as poor as I Have ventured all upon \par a throw; Have gained! Yes! Hesitated so this side the victory! \par \par Anger as soon as fed is dead - \par 'Tis starving makes it fat. \par \par Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. \par \par A little madness in the Spring \par Is wholesome even for the King. \par \par A Deed knocks first at Thought \par And then -- it knocks at Will -- \par That is the manufacturing spot. \par \par A Wounded deer - leaps highest. \par \par Assent--and you are sane--, \par Demur--you're straightway dangerous--, \par And handled with a Chain--. \par \par \par \par I . . . am small, like the wren, and my hair is bold like the chestnut burr; and my eyes like the sherry in the \par glass that the guest leaves. \par \par I cannot live with You -- \par It would be Life -- \par And Life is over there -- \par Behind the Shelf. \par \par A great Hope fell \par You heard no noise \par The Ruin was within. \par \par After great pain, a formal feeling comes. \par The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs. \par \par Because I could not stop for Death, \par He kindly stopped for me; \par The carriage held but just ourselves \par And Immortality. \par \par \par \cf2\f2\fs24 \par } End 3000042 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss Arial;}{\f1\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f2\fswiss\fcharset0 MS Sans Serif;}{\f3\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs18 Source: http://www.bemorecreative.com\cf0\f1\fs16 \par \par \par Fish and visitors smell in three days. \par \par Despair ruins some, presumption many. \par \par Ere you consult your fancy, consult your purse. \par \par 'Tis against some men's principle to pay interest, and seems against others' interest to pay the principle. \par \par Applause waits on success. \par \par He that raises a large family does, indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too. \par \par Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure. \par \par He that hath a trade hath an estate; he that hath a calling hath an office of profit and honor. \par \par A fat kitchen, a lean will. \par \par Creditors have better memories than debtors. \par \par \par In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires. \par \par He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on. \par \par If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing. \par \par A place for everything, everything in its place. \par \par Mine is better than ours. \par \par Let the child's first lesson be obedience, and the second will be what thou wilt. \par \par He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. \par \par Pride breakfasted with Plenty, dined with Poverty, supped with Infamy. \par \par A small leak can sink a great ship \par \par None preaches better than the ant, and she says nothing. \par \par \par There is nothing so absurd as knowledge spun too fine. \par \par He that waits upon fortune, is never sure of a dinner. \par \par \f2\\\f1 Necessity never made a good bargain. \par \par Clearly spoken, Mr. Fogg; you explain English by Greek. \par \par To bear other people's afflictions, everyone has courage and enough to spare. \par \par \par \par \cf2\f3\fs24 \par } End 3000041 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss Arial;}{\f1\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f2\fswiss\fcharset0 MS Sans Serif;}{\f3\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs18 Source: http://www.bemorecreative.com\cf0\f1\fs16 \par \par \par Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach. \par \par For this reason poetry is something more philosophical and more worthy of serious attention than history. \par \par One swallow does not make a spring. \par \par If happiness is activity in accordance with excellence, it is reasonable that it should be in accordance with the\f2 \f1 highest excellence. \par \par Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. \par \par All men by nature desire knowledge. \par \par Man is by nature a political animal. \par \par Now a whole is that which has a beginning, a middle, and an end. \par \par We become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions. \par \par To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill. \par \par What we have to learn to do, we learn by doing. \par \par The flute is not an instrument that has a good moral effect; it is too exciting. \par \par The greatest thing is style. . . a mark of genius, for to make good metaphors implies an eye for resemblances. \par \par Man, when perfected, is the best of animals, but, when separated from law and justice, he is the worst of all. \par \par The man who gets angry at the right things and with the right people, and in the right way and at the right time and for the right length of time, is commended. \par \par \par The young are permanently in a state resembling intoxication; for youth is sweet and they are growing. \par \par The law is reason free from passion. \par \par The beginning of reform is not so much to equalize property as to train the noble sort of natures not to desire more . . . \par \par For as the interposition of a rivulet, however small, will occasion the line of the phalanx to fluctuate, so any trifling disagreement will be the cause of seditions . . . \par \par Obstinate people can be divided into the opinionated, the ignorant, and the boorish. \par \par Beauty depends on size as well as symmetry. No very small animal can be beautiful, for looking at it takes so small a portion of time that the impression of it will be confused. Nor can any very large one, for a whole view of it cannot be had at once. \par \par It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. \par \par Every action must be due to one or other of seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reasoning, anger, or appetite. \par Law means good order. \par \par The generality of men are naturally apt to be swayed by fear rather than reverence, and to refrain from evil rather because of the punishment that it brings than because of its own foulness. \par \par \par \cf2\f3\fs24 \par } End 3000046 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss Arial;}{\f1\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f2\fswiss\fcharset0 MS Sans Serif;}{\f3\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs18 Source: http://www.bemorecreative.com\cf0\f1\fs16 \par \par \par I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my windows to be stuffed. I want the cultures of all the lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible. But I refuse to be blown off my feet by any. \par \par Mental violence has no potency and injures only the person whose thoughts are violent. It is otherwise with mental non-violence. It has potency which the world does not yet know. \par \par It is open to a war resister to judge between the combatants and wish success to the one who has justice on his side. By so judging he is more likely to bring peace between the two than by remaining a mere spectator. \par \par A weak man is just by accident. A strong but non-violent man is unjust by accident. \par \par What is a man if he is not a thief who openly charges as much as he can for the goods he sells? \par \par I eat to live, to serve, and also, if it so happens, to enjoy, but I do not eat for the sake of enjoyment. \par \par It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of non-violence to cover impotence. \par \par Truth never damages a cause that is just. \par \par All crime is a kind of disease and should be treated as such. \par \par An unjust law is itself a species of violence. Arrest for its breach is more so. \par \par Capital as such is not evil; it is its wrong use that is evil. Capital in some form or other will always be needed. \par \par Rationalists are admirable beings, rationalism is a hideous monster when it claims for itself omnipotence. \par Attribution of omnipotence to reason is as bad a piece of idolatry as is worship of stock and stone believing it to be God. \par \par Rights that do not flow from duty well performed are not worth having. \par \par The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. \par \par It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business. \par \par There is more to life than increasing its speed. \par \par Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding. \par \par Must I do all the evil I can before I learn to shun it? Is it not enough to know the evil to shun it? If not, we\f2 \f1 should be sincere enough to admit that we love evil too well to give it up. \par \par Unity to be real must stand the severest strain without breaking. \par \par Honesty is incompatible with amassing a large fortune. \par \par \cf2\f3\fs24 \par } End 3000047 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://zinnia.umfacad.maine.edu/~donaghue/toasts05.html \par \par \par Happiness being a dessert so sweet \par May life give you more than you can ever eat. \par --Submitted by Claybion F. Cloud \par \par May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, \par but never catch up. \par --Submitted by Chuck \par \par May you die in bed at 95 years, \par Shot by a jealous wife [husband]! \par \par \par May you live all the days of your life. \par Jonathan Swift \par \par \par Here's to a long life and a merry one. \par A quick death and an easy one. \par A pretty girl and an honest one. \par A cold beer and another one! \par --Old Irish toast \par \par \par I've drank to your health in taverns, \par I've drank to your health in my home, \par I've drank to your health so damn many times, \par I believe I've ruined my own! \par --Submitted by LabUser \par at DePaul Univ. \par \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000048 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://zinnia.umfacad.maine.edu/~donaghue/toasts06.html \par \par \par \par In water one sees one's own face; \par But in wine one beholds the heart of another. \par --French proverb \par (submitted by James Royan) \par \par \par Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. \par If you cheat, may you cheat death. \par If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. \par If you fight, may you fight for a brother. \par And if you drink, may you drink with me. \par --Submitted by Dave from Cornell Univ. \par \par \par May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink. \par But if you must lie, lie in each other's arms. \par If you must steal, steal kisses. \par If you must cheat, cheat death. \par And if you must drink, drink with us, your friends. \par --Submitted by Jessica Guenard at Cyberbeach \par \par \par When we drink, we get drunk. \par When we get drunk, we fall asleep. \par When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. \par When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. \par So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven! \par --Old Irish toast \par \par \par Here's to a long life and a merry one. \par A quick death and an easy one. \par A pretty girl and an honest one. \par A cold beer and another one! \par --Old Irish toast \par \par \par For every wound, a balm. \par For every sorrow, cheer. \par For every storm, a calm. \par For every thirst, a beer. \par \par \par I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to \par celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism \par or the fact that the refrigerator is still working. \par --Humorist Dave Barry \par \par \par Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. \par \par \par Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. \par --Henry Lawson \par \par \par Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. \par Gore Vidal \par \par In Vino Veritas \par In Cervesio Felicitas \par ("In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is joy.") \par \par \par Here's to bein' single... \par drinkin' doubles... \par and seein' triple! \par \par \par May the ships at sea never be bottoms up. \par --Submitted by Arthur and Colleen Hofelman \par \par \par Here's to all of the women who have used me and abused me... \par And may they continue to do so! \par --Submitted by Ricky Dunnington \par Virginia Beach, VA \par \par \par Horn, corn, wool, and yarn! \par --Agricultural toast formerly proposed at farming \par and other dinners in North Britain. \par \par Work is the curse of the drinking class. \par --Oscar Wilde \par \par \par Moderation is a fatal thing-- nothing succeeds like excess. \par --Oscar Wilde \par \par We are all of us in the gutter. \par But some of us are looking at the stars. \par --Oscar Wilde \par \par Here's to the women in the high-heeled shoes, \par who smoke men's fags and drink men's booze; \par and when they kiss, they kiss so sweet, \par they make things stand that have no feet! \par \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000049 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://zinnia.umfacad.maine.edu/~donaghue/toasts09.html \par \par \par \par May friendship, like wine, improve as time advances. \par And may we always have old wine, old friends, and young cares. \par --Submitted by Dennis Hendricks \par \par \par You're not to old when your hair turns gray \par You're not to old when your teeth decay. \par But you'll know you're awaiting that final sleep, \par When your mind makes promises your body can't keep. \par --Submitted by Kirk B. Wettengel \par \par \par May your neighbors respect you, \par trouble neglect you, \par angels protect you, \par and heaven accept you! \par --Submitted by Jack Kelly (a she, not a he) \par Mississippi \par \par May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. \par --Submitted by Brian Dunn \par \par \par \par An Irishman's Philosophy: \par \par There are only two things to worry about: \par Either you are well or you are sick. \par If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. \par \par But if you are sick, there are two things to worry about: \par Either you will get well or you will die. \par If you get well, then there is nothing to worry about. \par \par But if you die, there are two things to worry about: \par Either you will go to heaven or you will go to hell. \par If you go to heaven, then you have nothing to worry about. \par \par But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands \par with all your friends, then you won't have time to worry! \par \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000050 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://zinnia.umfacad.maine.edu/~donaghue/toasts07.html \par \par \par \par Here is a toast to lying, cheating, drinking and stealing: \par If you lie, lie only to keep a friend. \par If you cheat, may you cheat death. \par If you steal, steal your lover's heart. \par If you drink, drink deeply of the joy of your new life together. \par --Submitted by Mark Finney \par \par \par \par May your wedding night be like a kitchen table... \par all legs and no drawers. \par --Submitted by Breandan Mac Liam \par \par \par May all your ups and downs be between the sheets \par --Submitted by Trish \par \par If there such a thing as a good marriage \par It is so because of friendship, not love. \par --Submitted by Don Rentsch \par \par Here's to the girl I love; and, \par Here's to the girl who loves me. \par Here's to those who love the girl I love, \par And, all those who love the girl I love who love me. \par --Submitted by R. McAdam \par \par \par When the roaring flames of your love \par have burned down to embers, \par may you find that you've married your best friend. \par --Submitted by Jeff Brooks \par Newton, Mass. \par \par \par May your home always be too small to hold all your friends. \par --Submitted by Patrick O'Rourke Nashville, TN (by way of County Leitrim) \par \par Dance as if no one were watching, \par Sing as if no one were listening, \par And live every day as if it were your last. \par --Submitted by Lori Eakins \par \par Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. \par If you cheat, may you cheat death. \par If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. \par If you fight, may you fight for a brother. \par And if you drink, may you drink with me. \par --Submitted by Dave \par from Cornell Univ. \par \par May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink. \par But if you must lie, lie in each other's arms. \par If you must steal, steal kisses. \par If you must cheat, cheat death. \par And if you must drink, drink with us, your friends. \par --Submitted by Jessica Guenard \par \par Here's to you and yours \par And to mine and ours. \par And if mine and ours \par Ever come across to you and yours, \par I hope you and yours will do \par As much for mine and ours \par As mine and ours have done \par For you and yours! \par \par May the most you wish for \par Be the least you get. \par \par Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. \par The first beautiful, the second full, the last ever faithful. \par \par Here's to health and prosperity, \par To you and all your posterity. \par And them that doesn't drink with sincerity, \par That they may be damned for all eternity! \par \par May all your ups and downs \par come only in the bedroom. \par \par Here's to bein' single... \par drinkin' doubles... \par and seein' triple! \par \par May you be as happy in life as me and eh... what's her name? \par --Submitted by Benjamin Johnson \par \par Here's to all of the women who have used me and abused me... \par And may they continue to do so! \par --Submitted by Ricky Dunnington \par Virginia Beach, VA \par \par Here's to wives and girlfriends. \par May they never meet! \par --Submitted by Chris Ebeier \par \par \par May your bank account always be bigger than your troubles. \par --Submitted by Steve Hurley \par \par May you look back fifty years from now \par and agree that today was the worst \par day of your married life. \par --Submitted by Adam Diran \par \par May you get all your wishes but one \par so you always have something to strive for! \par \par \par Merry met, and merry part, \par I drink to thee with all my heart. \par --Submitted by Phil Wade \par \par Bless you and yours \par As well as the cottage you live in. \par May the roof overhead be well thatched \par And those inside be well matched. \par \par Here's to the women in the high-heeled shoes, \par who smoke men's fags and drink men's booze; \par and when they kiss, they kiss so sweet, \par they make things stand that have no feet! \par \par \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000052 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.quotepost.com/cliches.html \par \par \par \par "That one person was one person too many..." \par - Unknown \par \par "Life is like the mail. Sometimes you just don't get it." \par - Unknown \par \par "You can't go anywhere until you get there." \par - Unknown \par \par "A penny saved is a penny earned." \par - Benjamin Franklin \par \par "The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets." \par - Unknown \par \par "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." \par - Unknown \par \par "If you can't beat'em, join'em." \par - Unknown \par \par "Like shooting fish in a barrel." \par - Unknown \par \par "Knock on wood." \par - Unknown \par \par "Ain't that the pot calling the kettle black?" \par - Unknown \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000054 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.annabelle.net/quotes/topic.php?topic=luck \par \par \par \par Good luck needs no explanation. \par * Shirley Temple Black \par \par What we call luck is the inner man externalized. We make things happen to us. \par * Robertson Davies \par \par Some folk want their luck buttered. \par * Thomas Hardy \par \par Ill fortune never crushed that man whom good fortune deceived not. \par * Ben Jonson \par \par Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered. \par * William Shakespeare \par \par The power of fortune is confessed only by the miserable, for the happy impute all their success to prudence or merit. \par * Jonathan Swift \par \par Luck is not something you can mention in the presence of self-made men. \par * E. B. White \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000060 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\froman Times New Roman;}{\f1\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs24 Username: \f1 zzzzz\f0 \par Password: a\f1 AaAaAa\cf1\f2 \par } End 3000007 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs16 zzzzz\f1 @altavista.com \par Password: \f0 zzzzz\f2\fs24 \par } End 3000058 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Arial;}{\f1\froman Times New Roman;}{\f2\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f3\fswiss\fcharset0 MS Sans Serif;}{\f4\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs20 111111\f1\fs24 \par \f2\fs16 Password: \cf1\f3 zzzzz\f4\fs24 \par } End 3000059 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\froman Times New Roman;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs24 https://www.paypal.com/ \par \f1 zzzzz\f0 \par \cf1\f1 \par } End 3000061 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f1\froman Times New Roman;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs24 zzzzz\f1 @yahoo.c\f0 om \par \f1 Yahoo ID\tab\tab\f0 zzzzz\f1 \par Password:\tab\tab\f0 aaabbbccc111222333\cf1\f2 \par } End 3000063 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs24 Met John. \par } End 3000064 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs24 Went to Calgary. \par } End 3000065 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs24 Paid bills. \par } End 3000066 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs24 Started work on new project. \par } End 3000067 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs24 Project completed. \par } End 3000070 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset2 Symbol;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard{\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}{\*\pn\pnlvlblt\pnf1\pnindent0{\pntxtb\'B7}}\fi-200\li200\cf1\f0\fs24 Provide training for Team B.\tab\tab\cf2 Done\cf1 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}Ed - vacation.\tab\tab\tab\cf2 Done\cf1 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}Meet with Bob\tab\tab\tab\cf2 Done\cf1 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}Review John's Draft\tab\tab\tab\cf2 Done\cf1 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}\pard\tab \par Remember to cancel appointment with RB. \par } End 3000009 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset2 Symbol;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard{\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}{\*\pn\pnlvlblt\pnf1\pnindent0{\pntxtb\'B7}}\fi-200\li200\cf1\f0\fs24 Present to Smith. \tab\tab\cf2 Done\cf1 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}First rework. \tab\tab\cf2 Done\cf1 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}Present rework to Smith. \tab\cf2 Done\cf1 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}\ul Complete project.\ulnone \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}} End 3000069 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset2 Symbol;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard{\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}{\*\pn\pnlvlblt\pnf1\pnindent0{\pntxtb\'B7}}\fi-200\li200\cf1\strike\f0\fs24 Create proposal for new building\strike0 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}\strike Present proposal to clients\strike0 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}\strike Revisions\strike0 \par {\pntext\f1\'B7\tab}\pard\tab \par Mission aborted. \par \par } End 3000002 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\b\f0\fs24 May 28, 2002\b0 \par \par 10:00 AM \par Team Meeting. \par ______________________________________ \par \par \b June 09, 2002\b0 \par \par Toronto \par Birthdays - Mary, Ken. \par ______________________________________ \par \par \b July 17, 2002\b0 \par \par 2:15 PM \par Insurance coverage - review with agent. \par ______________________________________ \par \par } End 3000071 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\froman Times New Roman;}{\f1\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\f0\fs24 After an overnight flight to meet my father at his \par latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived \par at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight \par siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our \par many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped \par customs area. A young customs official watched our \par entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, \par "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?" \par \par "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh, "they're all \par mine." \par \par The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, \par do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs \par in your possession?" \par \par "Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those \par items, I would have used them by now." \par ______________________________________ \par \par There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder \par entered into their house. The intruder put a knife \par to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know \par the names of my victims before I kill them, what is \par your name?" \par \par "My name is Elizabeth," the woman replied. \par \par The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who \par was also named Elizabeth, so I can't kill you." \par \par The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, \par "What is your name?" \par \par "My name's Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth." \par ______________________________________ \par \par Megastore, Megasale \par \par The manager of a megastore came to check on his new salesman. \par "How many customers did you serve today?" the manager asked. \par \par "One," replied the new guy. \par \par "Only one?" said the boss. "How much was the sale?" \par \par The salesman answered, "$58,334." \par \par Flabbergasted, the manager asked him to explain. \par \par "First I sold a man a fishhook," the salesman said. "Then I sold \par \par him a rod and a reel. Then I asked where he was planning to fish, \par \par and he said down by the coast. So I suggested he'd need a boat - \par \par he bought that 20-foot runabout. When he said his Volkswagen might \par \par not be able to pull it, I took him to the automotive department \par \par and sold him a big SUV." \par \par The amazed boss asked, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for \par \par a fishhook?" \par \par "No," the new salesman replied. "He actually came in for a bottle \par \par of aspirin for his wife's migraine. I told him, "Your weekend's \par \par shot. You should probably go fishing." \par ______________________________________ \par \par \i http://www.ahajokes.com/\i0 \par \par -BUMPER STICKERS- \par \par "Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition." \par \par "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you." \par \par "If you don't like the news, go out and make some." \par \par "I Brake For No Apparent Reason." \par \par "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is \par \par like the IRS." \par \par "Sorry, I don't date outside my species." \par \par "No Radio - Already Stolen" \par \par "Few women admit their age, Few men act it! " \par \par "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!" \par ______________________________________ \par \par -How To Get A Raise- \par \par A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour \par starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an \par hour. So when would you like to start?'' \par \par ''In 3 months.'' \par ______________________________________ \par \par \i http://www.ahajokes.com\i0 \par \par --OFFICE HAPPENINGS-- \par \par Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having \par these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is \par getting done". \par \par Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. \par I said I was going to blame it on you." \par \par A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until \par morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over \par a lot of good people to get the ones we hired." \par \par My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's \par unfamiliar territory. \par \par My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see \par as a protective barrier. \par \par My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would \par be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain. \par \par I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. \par My new Boss is an idiot, too ... but at least I respect him. \par \par Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task \par force he created to find a solution: " I'm sorry if I ever \par gave you the impression your input would have any effect on \par my decision for the outcome of this project!" \par \par HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. \par Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're \par under-qualified for our entry level positions." \par \par Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one summer intern \par this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that \par position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes. \par ______________________________________ \par \par \i http://www.officejokes.com/\i0 \par \par Here are some actual quotes from employee performance \par evaluations: \par \par Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has \par started to dig. \par \par Has a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold \par it all together. \par \par His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid \par curiousity. \par \par I would not allow this employee to breed. \par \par This employee is not so much of a has-been, but more of \par a definitely won't be. \par \par Works well when under constant supervision and cornered \par like a rat in a trap. \par \par She sets low personal standards and then constantly fails \par to achieve them. \par \par This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, \par the better. \par \par Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking. \par \par A room-temperature IQ. \par \par Has two brains: one is lost, the other is out looking for it. \par \par He's so dense, light bends around him. \par \par If you were to give him a penny for his thoughts, \par you would get change. \par \par The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. \par \par ______________________________________ \par \par \i http://www.comedy-zone.net/\i0 \par \par One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. \par He passed every test with flying colours. At the final \par interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking \par would bother customers. \par "I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and \par I'll be better in a second" \par So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after \par condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and \par his blinking goes away. \par The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!" \par The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a \par pharmacist for aspirin while your winking" \par ______________________________________ \par \par \i http://www.comedy-zone.net/\i0 \par \par A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing \par around the cages on display. \par \par While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the \par shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please". The shopkeeper nods, \par goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. \par \par He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying \par "That'll be $5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his monkey. \par \par Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, \par "That was a very expensive monkey-most of them are only a few \par hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?" \par \par "Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C with \par very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money." \par \par The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. \par He says to the shop keeper, "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! \par What does it do?" \par \par "Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage \par object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the \par really useful stuff." \par \par The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey \par in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000. \par \par He gasps to the shop keeper, "That one costs more than all the others \par put together! What on earth does it do?" \par \par "Well," says the shopkeeper, "I don't know if it actually does \par anything, but says it's a Consultant." \par ______________________________________ \par \par There was this man that was an accountant for the mob. \par He happened to be deaf and mute. While working for the mob he \par collected over 500,000 dollars by stealing from the books. \par \par The mob boss finds out about this and sends two hitmen to his house. \par Since the accountant was deaf and mute his brother translated \par what his brother said. \par \par Hitman: "Where is the money?" \par Accountant signs that he does not know .. \par Brother: "He said he does not know". \par \par Hitman: Tell us where the money is or we will kill your wife \par and kids, burn down your house, and castrate you! \par The Accountant signs fast and furiously that the money is \par in a safe that is hidden in the floorboard of his closet and \par gives the combination. \par \par Hitman: "What did he say?" \par Brother: "You don't have the guts!" \par ______________________________________ \par \par \i http://www.thecomedylab.com\i0 \par \par The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the \par things around the house that he used to do. When the \par examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. \par Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." \par "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." \par \par "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term \par so I can tell my wife." \par ______________________________________ \par \par \i http://www.ahajokes.com/\i0 \par \par - Signs and Notices - \par - These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at \par various locations. \par \par At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone \par in a glass container." \par \par In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our \par waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager." \par \par On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be \par prosecuted to the full extent of the law.- Sisters of Mercy" \par \par On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on \par the same spot." \par \par In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but \par Sunday." \par \par In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed." \par \par In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy." \par \par In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning \par your home." \par \par In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center" \par \par ______________________________________ \par \par Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to \par boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won \par 8 of them!" \par \par Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've \par won 19!!" \par \par "Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", \par says another, flicking his tail. \par \par At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been \par sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says \par the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of \par them!" \par \par The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a \par hushed silence. "A talking dog." \par ______________________________________ \par \par \i http://www.ahajokes.com\i0 \par \par Are You Ready for Children? \par \par Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. \par Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. \par Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the \par couch and leave it there all summer. \par \par Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are \par not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken \par bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. \par Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. \par Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.) \par \par Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats \par are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery \par store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or \par damage. \par \par Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. \par Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside. \par \par Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway \par with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start \par the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal \par (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, \par while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on \par the floor. \par \par Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and \par attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for \par 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. \par \par Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your \par wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed \par to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for \par your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a \par newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. \par \par Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. \par Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, \par tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest \par many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should \par never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. \par It will be the last time you will have all the answers. \par ______________________________________ \par \par \cf0\i http://www.majorgeeks.com/\i0\f1 \par \f0 \par "Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny" \cf1 \par \par \f2 \par } End 3000068 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f1\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\i\f0\fs24 Use this view just like a notepad on your desk.\i0 \par ______________________________________ \par \par \pard\sb100\sa100\cf0\f1 The following are copies of ACTUAL written statements submitted to the police on report forms. The drivers were instructed to give a brief statement on the particulars of the accident in their own words. \par \par Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't know. \par \par I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. \par \par In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. \par \par I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. \par \par An invisible car came out of nowhere, truck my vehicle and vanished. \par \par The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him. \par ______________________________________ \par Real Police Reports \par \par I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. \par \par The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. \par \par To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. \par \par I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him. \par \par When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. \par \par As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. \par \par The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. \par \par I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. \par \par I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull. \par \par \pard I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became squashed. \par \cf1\f0 \par } End 3000004 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss Arial;}{\f1\froman Times New Roman;}{\f2\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f3\fnil\fcharset2 Symbol;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\qc\cf1\b\f0\fs32 Welcome to AlfaPad Notes Organizer!\cf2\b0\f1\fs24 \par \pard \par AlfaPad makes your information easier to access. \par \par You can easily \par \par \pard{\pntext\f3\'B7\tab}{\*\pn\pnlvlblt\pnf3\pnindent200{\pntxtb\'B7}}\fi-200\li200 Organize your text data into a hierarchical tree of Branches and Items \par {\pntext\f3\'B7\tab}Search for specific information \par {\pntext\f3\'B7\tab}Sort Items and Branches \par {\pntext\f3\'B7\tab}Move Items and Branches by dragging and dropping them \par {\pntext\f3\'B7\tab}\pard\'b7\tab\tab \par \cf1\i What is the structure of AlfaPad Notes Organizer?\f0 \cf2\i0\f1 \par \par AlfaPad Notes Organizer consists of two panels: \par \pard{\pntext\f3\'B7\tab}{\*\pn\pnlvlblt\pnf3\pnindent200{\pntxtb\'B7}}\fi-200\li200 Explorer (left side panel), and \par {\pntext\f3\'B7\tab}Editor (right side panel). \par {\pntext\f3\'B7\tab}\pard\sb100\sa100\cf0\b\f2\'b7\tab \par Explorer\b0 panel (\b outliner\b0 ) is a graphical, hierarchical display of your documents. Explorer is designed to make it easy to find the document you want. Explorer displays Branches (categories) and Items (actual documents). All documents may (but don't have to) be organized into categories. \par To create new Branch, select the root of the tree (the node with caption '$'), select menu item Tree and click its subitem Add Branch. \par Alternatively, right-click Explorer panel and select Add Branch from pop-up menu. \par Adding an Item is similar to adding Branch. \par \b \par Editor\b0 is a text editor. Use it the same way as you would use any other text editor. You can copy, paste and delete text, change its font, color and alignment. \par You can resize the amount of space allocated to the Explorer and Editor by dragging the splitter (vertical bar between these two panels). Just place the mouse over the splitter; hold the mouse still until it turns into a double-sided arrow. Clicking, drag the splitter either left or right to resize the Explorer/Editor panel. \par \cf2\f1 \par } End 3000005 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Arial;}{\f1\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\sb100\sa100\qc\cf1\b\fs32 How to use AlfaPad\cf0\b0\f1\fs24 \par \pard\sb100\sa100 To try how AlfaPad is working, I would recommend pressing menu item Tree -> Add Item (or pressing key F7) once the program starts. That would create new Item - on the left side you should see new node in the tree, and right side (editor panel) should become enabled. Once the item is created, you have two options: rename it (give it the name meaningful to you), or go straight to editing it (just click anywhere on the right side and start to type in; the right panel is simple text editor, or rather text pad - it is not as fancy as full-blown text editor but it has some basic functionalities like: changing formatting of the text - changing fonts, their color and size, changing alignment of the text, creating bulleted lists etc. ) \par As about how to rename the Item: select it in the Tree by clicking appropriate node (it should turn out blue), press key F2 and start typing new name. When you are done, press key Enter. \par When you are done with creating the Item, you can create the next Item in similar way - click menu item Tree -> Add Item, rename it and enter some text into right panel. \par Renaming the Item is optional - you can leave the names of the nodes as they are, or you may rename them after you are done with editing the text. \par Once you have created couple of Items, you can group them together into the Branch. To do so click menu item Tree -> Add Branch (or press key F6) . New Branch will be created - you should be able to see new, yellow node on the Tree panel. You can rename it or leave the default name. Now you can select desired Item on the Tree panel by clicking appropriate node and dragging and dropping it onto the Branch - new structure of the tree should reflect the fact that the Item became 'child' of the Branch. The Branches can have many 'children', which might be Items or other Branches. \par The sequence of creating Items and Branches might be reversed - you might want first to create a Branch and then to create the Items belonging to that Branch. The Branches can be deeply nested - when given Branch is selected, click menu item Tree -> Add Branch, and newly created Branch will be a 'child' or original Branch. \par I tried to cover the basics of using AlfaPad but please do not hesitate to contact me if I did miss something. \par Thank you for your interest in AlfaPad; feel free to send your comments/suggestions or bug-reports to me. \par \pard\cf2\f2 \par \par \i Dariusz Dziewialtowski, AlfaAlfa Software\i0 \par \par } End 3000006 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Arial;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\qc\cf1\b\fs32 Technical Support\cf2\b0\f1\fs24 \par \pard \par For the most recent updates of AlfaPad\'ae, please check the AlfaPad home page at http://www.alfaalfa.com. \par \par Technical support is available at no charge as described below. \par To report problems you can send e-mail to help@alfaalfa.com or postal mail to AlfaAlfa Software, 71 St Hubert Ave, M4J 3Z2 Toronto, Ontario, Canada. \par \par When reporting problems, please include the following information: \par \par 1.\tab What version of AlfaPad you are running (2.1, 2.2, etc)? \par 2.\tab What version of Windows are you running (Windows 2000, Windows 98, etc.)? \par 3.\tab Is the problem reproducible? If so, how? \par \par } End 3000062 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Arial;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f2\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\qc\cf1\b\fs32 Contact Info\cf2\b0\f1\fs24 \par \pard \par Should you have any questions concerning AlfaPad Notes Organizer, or \par if you desire to contact AlfaAlfa Software for any reason, please contact us by mail at: \par \par \b AlfaAlfa Software \par 71 St Hubert Ave \par M4J 3Z2 Toronto \par Ontario \par CANADA\b0 \par \par \pard\sb100\sa100\cf0\f2 by telephone at: \par \b +1 (416) 421-5395 \par \b0 \par or by electronic mail at:\cf1\ul \par admin@alfaalfa.com\cf0\ulnone \cf1\ul \par \cf0\ulnone We do respect your privacy - your email address will be not revealed to anyone. \par \pard\cf2\f1 \par } End 3000051 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.annabelle.net/quotes/topic.php?topic=age \par \par \par \par The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the older man who will not laugh is a fool. \par * George Santayana \par \par The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. \par * Oscar Wilde \par \par To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. \par * Bernard Baruch \par \par It's not that age brings childhood back again, \par Age merely shows what children we remain. \par * Goethe \par \par I was eleven, then I was sixteen. Though no honors came my way, those were the lovely years. \par * Truman Capote \par \par Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools. \par * George Chapman \par \par It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it. \par * W. Somerset Maugham \par \par Youth has no age. \par * Pablo Picasso \par \par If youth but knew; if age but could. \par * Henri Estienne \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000053 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.quotepost.com/humor.html \par \par \par \par "Is it ignorance or apathy? Hey, I don't know and I don't care." \par - Jimmy Buffett \par \par "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." \par - Woody Allen \par \par "My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too." \par - Rodney Dangerfield \par \par "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." \par - Jon Hammond \par \par "Eagles may soar, but weasles dont get sucked into jet engines." \par - Unknown \par \par "You cannot light fireworks in the basement, and not get caught." \par - Unknown \par \par "Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it." \par - Mike Smith - Baseball Pitcher - ordering a salad at a restaurant \par \par "He who laughs last thinks slowest." \par - Unknown \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000055 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.annabelle.net/quotes/topic.php?topic=money \par \par \par \par It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. \par * Oscar Wilde \par \par Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. \par * Woody Allen \par \par One must choose, in life, between making money and spending it. There's no time to do both. \par * Edouard Bourdet \par \par Money is to my social existence what health is to my body. \par * Mason Cooley \par \par The value of a dollar is social, as it is created by society. \par * Ralph Waldo Emerson \par \par There are few sorrows, however poignant, in which a good income is of no avail. \par * Logan Pearsall Smith \par \par There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to verybody. \par * Adlai Stevenson \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000056 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.quotepost.com/music.html \par \par \par \par "There are things known, and there are things unknown. And in between are the doors." \par - Jim Morrison \par \par "Indecision may or may not be my problem." \par - Jimmy Buffett \par \par "If I should die tonight, shining bright, make a wish upon my light." \par - Kory and the Fireflies \par \par "Music is love, love is music, music is my life and I love my life." \par - A J Mclean \par \par "Those who don't hear the music think the dancer mad." \par - Unknown \par \par "I may be lying in the gutter, but I'm staring at the stars." \par - Better Than Ezra \par \par "I know only two tunes: one of them is Yankee Doodle and the other isn't." \par - Ulysses S. Grant \par \par "Jazz will endure just as long people hear it through their feet instead of their brains." \par - John Philip Sousa \par \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000057 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss MS Sans Serif;}{\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\f0\fs16 http://www.annabelle.net/quotes/topic.php?topic=truth \par \par \par \par The truth is rarely pure and never simple. \par * Oscar Wilde \par \par A truth that's told with bad intent \par Beats all the lies you can invent. \par * William Blake \par \par A man may be in as just possession of truth as of a city, and yet be forced to surrender. \par * Sir Thomas Browne \par \par When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the ruth. \par * Sir Arthur Conan Doyle \par \par The truth isn't always beauty, but the hunger for it is. \par * Nadine Gordimer \par \par It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar. \par * Jerome K. Jerome \par \par We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart. \par * Blaise Pascal \par \par Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. \par * Mark Twain \par \cf1\f1\fs24 \par } End 3000001 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f1\froman Times New Roman;}{\f2\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue0;} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\cf1\i\f0\fs24 Capture here random ideas and information. \par ______________________________________ \par \i0\f1 \par \cf0\i\f2 http://www.ahajokes.com\i0 \par \cf1\f0 \par == INTERESTING FACTS == \par \par - A crocodile can't stick its tongue out. \par - A shrimp's heart is in their head. \par - Rats and horses can't vomit. \par - When you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond. \par - If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try \par to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your \par head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, \par they can pop out. \par - In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, \par no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head \par in the sand or attempted to do so. \par - In the United States alone, there is a lawsuit every 30 seconds. \par - It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. \par - More than 50% of the people in the world have never made \par or received a telephone call. \par - The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the \par toughest tongue twister in the English language. \par - Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could \par have over a million descendants. \par - If the U.S. government has no knowledge of aliens, then why \par does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, \par implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for US citizens \par to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles? \par - Forty percent of all people who come to a party in your home \par snoop in your medicine cabinet. \par - The electric chair was invented by a dentist. \par - 100% of all lottery winners gain weight. \par - 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people \par sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks. \par - In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, \par eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders. \par - 160 cars can drive side by side on the Monumental Axis in \par Brazil, the world's widest road. \par - Most lipstick contains fish scales. \par - A hummingbird weighs less than a penny. \par \f1 \par } End